When I started to write the Van Zant Series, I thought each sibling might have a story to tell, and it would be neat and tidy and—then I met the big family, which can only be described as dysfunctional, gregarious, and insanely loyal. I discovered the eleven siblings are disastrously beautiful down to the bottom of their damaged souls, their stories dangerous and messy.
and continuing in Consequences of the Big Mistake, Learning from the Big Mistakes, Shibari Presence, Healing From the Big Mistakes, and Revelations of the Big Mistakes.
Jessica is introduced in Learning from the BIG Mistakes because the sisters, Alexandra and Jessica, may be separated by six years in age but are connected by a love and loyalty to each other that is boundless. There is nothing one would not do for the other, because they are more aware and understanding of their siblings’ pain than their own.
Jessica’s own story is told in two parts: Learning to Breathe and Learning to Breathe Again; Jessica and Alexandra’s storylines converge in Shibari Presence.
Two siblings, Julian and Liam, star in a breakout series that explores age play, the DDLG and BDSM lifestyles, and spanking: A Little Bedtime Series. Currently told in three books known as Koko’s Book One, Two, Three—A Little Indulgence, A Little in Danger, and A Little Kinky Adventure—will extend to a fourth book soon. On the Van Zant World timeline, A Little in Danger and Revelations of the Big Mistakes coincide.
I can’t wait to introduce even more siblings, so I hope you love reading about this family as much as I’ve enjoyed sharing their story. So drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit my blog at www.roxyharte.blogspot.com to leave me feedback. I love hearing from my readers.
DISCLAIMER: This information concerns the Adult Lifestyles ABDL and DDLG and does not in any way, shape, or form refer to or apply to actual children. Please do not ever compare adult lifestylers to actual pedophiles who are sick, twisted individuals.
Let me start by saying that the information on this page is based on my experiences and by no means a complete list of all the ways that the dynamics I am about to cover can be expressed. This information is intended only as a starting point of discovery or affirmation.
Wherever you fall in the ADBL-DDLG-BDSM spectrum, you are okay, you are valid and your choices, urges, needs are completely natural and nothing to be ashamed up. If you have come up against prejudices, disgust, fear, judgement, hate… I’m sorry you had to experience those things… but there are safe spaces where you can express yourself fully… and there is great joy and empowerment in finally accepting and embracing who you are!
In the realm of ABDL and DDLG there is a lot of confusion and prejudice still linked to the lifestyle choices of those who partake in the subcultures of BDSM known as ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl). Even among longtime kinksters there are misconceptions and misunderstanding… for vanilla outsiders, the confusion can lead to hate and disgust. Making it hard for people who long to live the lifestyle to be themselves or even ask the questions that would help them figure out who they are and what they want in a relationship.
If you have urges to regress, or feel like you’ve never really been fully adult, that being an adult is actually the role you’ve been forced to play, but that is a lie, because you are clearly ill-equipped emotionally to adult… never fear, there is a place for you where you can be yourself and find the love and validation you’ve longed for.
Let’s start with the basics… Most littles can identify what age group their inner little fits into:
ABDL- Baby – the youngest age-regression, typically infant-toddler
Baby Girl/Baby Boy – regression to approx 3-5 yrs old
Little – regression to approx 6-10
Middles – regression to typical tweens to early teens
Brat -regression to mid to older teen that is especially hard to manage: jokester/prankster, sassy or playfully, sarcastic, authority challenger, disrespectful
Lolita – identity linked closely to fashion
So let’s break it down…
What is an Adult Baby, Diaper Lover? And what does the relationship look like when someone says they are into this lifestyle?
Attributes of their behavior might include:
Non-verbal, communicating with happy or sad sounds not words
For the most part, the adult baby is free to express themselves as an infant.Bottles
Thumb or Pacifier Sucking
Bed wetting/Diaper wearer
Range of motion restriction ie diaper-type spreader with wrist restraints
Enjoys being held, carried, and cared for completely. ABDL can cuddle for hours.
Watching cartoons is a favorite escape for many.
Naptimes are more requirement than luxury for them to function well.
Baby Girl – Baby Boy
A Baby Girl/Boy is an adult who behaves like an older baby who may still crave a paci or sippy cup but has mastered going potty and no longer requires a diaper but is still pre-school.
Behaviors probably include:
Non-verbal under stress/Baby-talk other times
Attachment to Stuffie
Sippy cup use
Cute dresses, lacy socks, and Mary Janes as selected by nurturer
Amenable to a large extent, exhibiting tantrums when unhappy
Non-logical and sometimes unreasonable
Rules are required but should be negotiated while both nurturer and regressor are in adult mind-space
What is a Little?
A little is an adult who behaves in the role of a child at a certain age, and there can be different ages from older toddler to younger child. Typically less than 7 or 8 years old.
A little typically adapts to their circumstance, at home alone, or with their Daddy and close, trusted friends, they can be at their littlest. At work most littles act their age or manage to find jobs that support their personality. During a single day many littles float somewhere between the spectrum of their two personality types…
Preferred behaviors might include:
Sippy cup use
Cute dresses, lacy socks, and Mary Janes
Any pastel clothing that reflects their younger persona, including but not limited to T’s, hoodies, and accessories with cartoon characters…
however there are also Goth/Creepy Littles who prefer black clothing and a decidedly darker vibe and that’s okay!
Likes to play be it coloring, gaming, or sports… littles like to be entertained and can be very needy of attention.
Many littles suffer high anxiety and fear of rejection. Sadly, most have experienced more than their fair share of abandonment, rejection, and judgement. Low Self-esteem is a common trait.
Difficulty managing emotions. Self-harm is a common symptom
For this reason rules determining self-care are a must.
What is a Middle
There are also older adult littles who identify as tweens or teens and are typically referred to as Middles. In DDLG, unlike BDSM a Middle personality is not shunned, ridiculed or punished for this endearing and maddening personality trait…both middles and brats are inherently mischievous, and often challenge the rules if not going so far as to break them in hopes of rattling their Doms or earning playful punishment.
Few go so far as to be so disobedient as to earn true punishment and therein lies the problem for a straight BDSM dominant who does not like this type of submissive. Most Middles struggle under a hardcore dominant and the relationship is doomed to fail, or worse, the dominant succeeds in breaking their playful spirit.
Fun-loving, playful, mischievous
Can be occasional tricksters, pranksters, jokesters
Rarely misbehaves on purpose
Quick to regret
Bubble-blower Gum smacker
What is a Brat?
An Adult Brat has been shunned by the typical BDSM community as being a fake or non-submissive; however in the DDLG community a Brat identity is not shunned, ridiculed or punished for this endearing and maddening personality trait…
Both middles and brats are inherently mischievous, and often challenge the rules in hopes of rattling their Doms or earning playful punishment. However a true Brat almost always challenges the Dom/mes authority in an effort to be forced to submit. Requires a strong Daddy/Mommy Dom/me with extreme patience skills.
Usually are purposefully sassy/sarcastic, disrespectful/disobedient to earn true punishment and therein lies the problem for a straight BDSM dominant who does not like this type of submissive. All brats will struggle under a hardcore dominant and the relationship is doomed to fail, or worse, the dominant succeeds in breaking their spirit.
Fun-loving, playful, mischievous
Sassy/Sarcastic, often Inappropriate Language in Most Settings
Tricksters, pranksters, jokesters
Misbehaves on purpose
Slow to regret
Multiple annoying habits
Enjoys poking the bear and pushing buttons
Loves to cause trouble and misdirect fault to cause others grief
This regressive personality elevates Needy to an almost unattainable level so that the caregiver is always forced to prove their love. At times it will seem the Brat will force the Dom/me to choose them over another responsibility.
Almost always exhibits some form of self-harm, whether refusing to eat/eating too much,refusing to take medications, smoking, drinking, abusing drugs, putting themselves in dangerous situations that require rescue, cutting, refusing excercise/excercise extremes.
What is a Lolita?
Lolita’s may or may not also embrace the ABDL or DDLG Lifestyle. So do not assume.
A Lolita in the DDLG Lifestyle’s identity is closely linked to the Fashion made popular in Japan and resembles many anime characters.
Identity molded by fashion
Addiction to Kuwaii (cute) collectables
Typically enjoys anime specifically
Sets high standards of behavior and strict rules on self, needs a caregiver who will insist on taking out time for fun
Sets high priority on appearance and will need extra time to prepare hair, make-up and clothing for their day. For this reason they are seen as most high maintenance of the DDLG Spectrum
Craves attention, actress/exhibitionist…the world is their stage
Costly habits: Manicures, pedicures, wigs, false eyelashes, colored contacts, shoes and matching handbags or backpacks
On the fashionable streets of Japan, women and girls of all ages dress in mid-list couture dresses adorned with frills, lace, and intricately patterned fabric. The baby-doll dresses end in sea ofruffles just above the knees, and giant bows pin their long hair into place. Fans of this style of dress are popping up around the globe.
Types of Lolita’s Include: Classic, Country, Gothic, Mourning, Old School, Pirate, Punk, Shiro (white), Sweet
Koko, the character in my A Little Bedtime Story series, is both little and Lolita.
The titles A LITTLE INDULGENCE and A LITTLE IN DANGER are both based in the BDSM subworld of DDLG and although there are some similarities, there are many differences that make DDLG very distinctly different. Let’s dive into this mystical world of glitter and unicorns and see if we can answer all your burning questions. This acronym stands for Daddy Dom little girl, and no, not a biological parent role! DDLG is a dynamic between two consensual adults, regardless of whether sex is part of the dynamic or not.
This is where it starts to get a tiny bit more complicated, because some relationships are sexual, but some are not; some relationships involve age play; others involve age regression. To understand either of these concepts more fully please follow the hyperlinks and don’t worry if the more you search for answers the more confusing the answers become. Even lifestylers of BDSM and DDLG disagree on whether age play is pretending or if even related to being little as most litles feel like they are channeling their inner child; and the more often they do so, the easier the practice becomes; until the slide between adult and little-space happens in the blink of an eye.
WHAT IS A LITTLE?
First off, little refers to a submissive personality type, who typically has some childlike (or tween, or teen) behaviors and mannerisms. Littles can be male or female, young, or old. I typically use the pronoun she because I reference of my own experiences. They are found in all walks of life, the woman you see jogging on your way into work; the cashier at the corner pharmacy; the banker, police officer, or even president of the company where you work. A little may like bubblegum, pastel dresses, and still be drawn to cartoons. She might enjoy being called baby, or princess, or little one. She might also be at the far end of the spectrum and have a closet full of black everything, from the most delicate camisole to the heavy soles of a pair of combat boots.
Perhaps you can admit you’ve been aware for a while that you were wired slightly differently than your peers. Labels like immature, needy, childish, sensitive, naïve, careless, klutzy, and ditzy seem to be thrown at Littles like those qualities are a negatives. I am here to assure you, that you would thrive in a DDLG relationship. There are two types of Daddy Dom little girl relationships. The first type is Caregiver. A Caregiver-little relationship is non-sexual and completely platonic. The second type is sexual between the Daddy Dom and little. For purposes of this article I am going to solely focus on a sexual DDLG relationship, which has two distinct parts. The playful parts and the sexy parts.
Littles may or may not submit in a traditional sense. Typically littles are passive and/or fragile/needy by nature; sometimes whiny or bratty; sometimes difficult to control, and that is what makes the role of Daddy so important. In DDLG, the little behaves(obeys) rather than solely submits to. Her acquiescence to rules is based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.
What is a Daddy?
Typically in the DDLG relationship, the Daddy is a Daddy Dom, a variation of a more traditional BDSM dominant role. I often refer to Daddy Doms as the kinder, gentler version of a Dom, but this is not fact, merely based on my own experiences. The Daddy Dom will see his sub as little and view his role as keeper, guide, mentor, caretaker, chief spoiler and will have certain expectations of his charge/sexual partner based on the type of relationship hi little desires. In DDLG, the little submits but her submission in based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.
Daddy’s are not cookie-cutter variety although they have many similarities. They nurture by nature, as if they are genetically wired to prefer caring, sheltering, mentoring and indulging to discipline. They may lay down many rules or few. Again, the relationship is based on the little’s needs and most know and accept that their littles can be very demanding, so patience, understanding, and compassion are the type of personality traits required.
Most littles will ask to be supervised, managed, and disciplined. There might or might not be elements of BDSM beyond the typical disciplines, which would be discussed and agreed to during the negotiation process. The only note here I would add is that most littles need built up, not torn down. Most littles are fragile and often recovering from years of self-esteem issues and many have suffered neglect, if not outright abuse and are recovering. All kink activities will fall under the list of hard and soft limits. Hardcore BDSM techniques such as degradation or humiliation are typically not present.
What is DDLG Playtime?
First, make a list of activities you love to do and do well. Drawing, painting, coloring, singing, dancing, running, even going to the gym could become the support system your little needs. The goal is to give yourself permission to spoil yourself with “It’s All About Me Time!” These are all opportunities to coax out your younger more playful self. You will discover as you delve deeper in the lifestyle that some days are much harder to draw out your little than others. Adult worries: bills, school/work expectations, obligations. Also for mommy’s and daddy’s that are also trying to be little with their partner as well as parent may find the task daunting. The trick is to relax and try to let play flow naturally. If you find this part especially difficult, the difficulty may lay in embarrassment or a deeper seated issue that you may need to mentally work through. However, if it is just the adult thoughts on your mind are making it hard to escape. Remember that your brain is a muscle and it can be trained to respond when you are ready to seek out little-space.
I’m fairly certain your chosen Daddy is more than willing to help you explore and define your Playtime Little Identity. Try a bubble bath. The key is for your partner to remain clothed. He can help you bathe, wash your hair, laugh at your bubble beards… Try coloring and watching cartoons….
Let’s talk about Foreplay:
Noooooooo…. not a quick lickity lick cunnilingus.
Ohhh, no no, no, not sex toys.
Though both may happen later… I’m talking about the little time warmup, which may vary but typically littles and middles prefer a little fun with their romp in the sack. And here, a meme will illustrate nicely just what I’m talking about:
So, yes, real fun… not cuffs and collars, nor spankings or pinchings… though again, both may come later.
Food in bed, although keep in mind food fights are messy and someone is gonna have to clean the mess up and depending on who instigated… js.
Ditto slime, silly string, and body paint.
Bubblebaths with toys, which somehow become more sexual when a playful Daddy Dom joins in.
Naked Hide and Seek
Naked Board Game Play with Challenges and Consequences
Building a pillow or blanket fort
The list of scenarios is endless and any type of play may find its way into the foreplay… and lead to more traditional foreplay, cuddles, tickles, blowjobs and cunnilingus, and sex. The sweetness or roughness of the main course sex will vary by mood and couple…
INSERT SEXY TIME HERE…
I think you’ve got this…just do it
Now, the Warm Down:
Aftercare isn’t just for the rougher sides of BDSM play, and doesn’t only apply for when the sex turns rough. Always take the time to cuddle, spoon, kiss, and hug while the heart rate and breathing returns to normal. Gentle conversations that include affirmations of pride and love… Rehydration with water or juice.
Some couple put together an aftercare kit, which might include any or none of the following, because only you know the components of your dynamic and most lists offer generalities:
Vitamin E Oil or Lotion for massage in a scent she finds relaxing (For some that might mean Lavendar or Rose, but for others Almond or Coconut, and some Patchouli or Myrrh)
Baby Wipes or Summers Eve Wipes for quick clean up
Bandaids, Antiseptic Wipes or Creams, Pain Relieving Creams, Pain or Regular Medications
Comfort Items: Special Snuggly Pajamas, Socks, Sleep Mask, a super soft Blanket or preferred Stuffed Animal, Pacifier or Sippy Cup
If you didn’t partake in a bubble bath before, now might be the perfect time ….
The important thing to remember is that it is your relationship dynamics that make you and your lover’s sex life meaningful and incredible.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my new DDLG Romance Series Line: A Little Bedtime Story… Books One to Four also connect to the Van Zant Sibling Series, introducing the brothers Julian and Liam.
Many Daddies will continue to us playful names baby, babygirl, little one, sweetheart, bunny, kitten, princess..ect. Many littles will continue to call their partners Daddy, but some may revert to Sir. Anatomical parts will sometimes fall under the umbrella term princess parts or Daddy parts, and activities will have cutesy or kawaii labels.
Just like discovering you and your Daddy’s dynamic can only be defined by the activities that your inner little will enjoy and no two play identities are exactly the same, ditto that times a hundred when it comes to defining your Sexual Little identity. Most important, give yourself permission to explore this part of you thoroughly. Thankfully, you have entered into a fairly well structured world and the BDSM world is a huge place indeed, but don’t worry, those who have come before you have left behind the tools of the lifestyle.
First up, the DDLG Scene Negotiation Form. On this form you will clarify whether your little is a princess, or bratty, or subbie. You might be some combination of all three that may evolve as you get more comfortable with your role. Most DDLG relationships have some form of BDSM play, even if in its most mild form like affirmation writing, called “Lines” and considered a punishment or a growth tool. You might prefer to initially go through the list of choices alone and then review with your Daddy or you may want to go through and check activities together. Basically you are telling your new partner what activities you will or will not be willing to participate in, these will be called your “hard” and “soft limits.”
You will also establish a safe word with your partner. I prefer a traffic light system. Green means you feel safe and secure, Yellow means you are nervous and possibly afraid, letting your partner know to proceed with caution, maybe even take a time out to talk about the activity to determine what part of what you are participating in is making you nervous; Red means everything stops because you are at your limit, and that can be mentally, physically, or emotionally.