Tag Archives: Daddy Dom

Babies, Littles, Middles, Brats?

DISCLAIMER: This information concerns the Adult Lifestyles ABDL and DDLG and does not in any way, shape, or form refer to or apply to actual children. Please do not ever compare adult lifestylers to actual pedophiles who are sick, twisted individuals.

Let me start by saying that the information on this page is based on my experiences and by no means a complete list of all the ways that the dynamics I am about to cover can be expressed. This information is intended only as a starting point of discovery or affirmation.

Wherever you fall in the ADBL-DDLG-BDSM spectrum, you are okay, you are valid and your choices, urges, needs are completely natural and nothing to be ashamed up. If you have come up against prejudices, disgust, fear, judgement, hate… I’m sorry you had to experience those things… but there are safe spaces where you can express yourself fully… and there is great joy and empowerment in finally accepting and embracing who you are!

In the realm of ABDL and DDLG there is a lot of confusion and prejudice still linked to the lifestyle choices of those who partake in the subcultures of BDSM known as ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl). Even among longtime kinksters there are misconceptions and misunderstanding… for vanilla outsiders, the confusion can lead to hate and disgust. Making it hard for people who long to live the lifestyle to be themselves or even ask the questions that would help them figure out who they are and what they want in a relationship.

If you have urges to regress, or feel like you’ve never really been fully adult, that being an adult is actually the role you’ve been forced to play, but that is a lie, because you are clearly ill-equipped emotionally to adult… never fear, there is a place for you where you can be yourself and find the love and validation you’ve longed for.

  • Little Age

Let’s start with the basics… Most littles can identify what age group their inner little fits into:

  1. Infant – the youngest age regressor, typically infant-toddler
  2. Baby Girl/Boy – approx 3-5 yrs old
  3. Little – approx 6-10
  4. Middles – typically tweens to teens

So let’s break it down…

  • What is an Adult Baby, Diaper Lover? And what does the relationship look like when someone says they are into this lifestyle?

Attributes of their behavior might include:

  1. Non-verbal, communicating  with happy or sad sounds not words
  2. For the most part, the adult baby is free to express themselves as an infant.Bottles
  3. cribs
  4.  Thumb or Pacifier Sucking
  5. Bed wetting/Diaper wearer
  6. Tantrums
  7. Cuddler
  8. Range of motion restriction ie diaper-type spreader with wrist restraints
  9. Enjoys being held, carried, and cared for completely. ABDL can cuddle for hours.
  10. Watching cartoons is a favorite escape for many.
  11. Naptimes are more requirement than luxury for them to function well.
  12. Needy…Needy…Needy
  • What is a Little?

A little is an adult who behaves in the role of a child at a certain age, and there can be different  ages from older toddler to younger child. Typically less than 7 or 8 years old.

A little typically adapts to their circumstance, at home alone, or with their Daddy and close,  trusted friends, they can be at their littlest. At work most littles act their age or manage to find  jobs that support their personality. During a single day many littles float somewhere between the spectrum of their two personality types…

Although DDLG can be a subset of the BDSM community, just as pet play or pony play, the greater difference is that littles and Daddies/Mommies are not pretending, or role-playing, but rather sharing an aspect of their personality. In the BDSM community age or role play for a single scene isn’t terribly unusual, but this type of scening is not DDLG because DDLG is not age play. For an adult who is little, little is their identity.  It’s a mix of feelings and emotions, it’s a way of interacting with the world from their most innocent  inner being.

Preferred behaviors might include:

  1. Pacifier user
  2. Sippy cup use
  3. Needy…Needy…Needy
  4. Cute dresses, lacy socks, and Mary Janes
  5. Any pastel clothing that reflects their younger persona, including but not limited to T’s, hoodies, and accessories with cartoon characters…
  6. however there are also Goth/Creepy Littles who prefer black clothing and a decidedly darker vibe and that’s okay!
  7. Likes to play be it coloring, gaming, or sports… littles like to be entertained and can be very needy of attention.
  8. Many littles suffer high anxiety and fear of rejection. Sadly, most have experienced more than their fair share of abandonment, rejection, and judgement.
  • What is a Middle/Brat?

There are also  older adult littles who identify as tweens or teens and are typically referred to as Middles or Brats. In DDLG, unlike BDSM a Middle or Brat personality is not shunned, ridiculed or punished for this endearing and maddening personality trait…both middles and brats are inherently mischievous, and often challenge the rules if not going so far as to break them in hopes of rattling their Doms or earning playful punishment. 

Few go so far as to be so disobedient as to earn true punishment and therein lies the problem for a straight BDSM dominant who does not like this type of submissive. Most Middles/brats struggle under a hardcore dominant and the relationship is doomed to fail, or worse, the dominant succeeds in breaking their playful spirit.

Personality Attributes:

  1. Fun-loving, playful, mischievous
  2. Blushy, giggly
  3. Tricksters, pranksters, jokesters
  4. Rebellious/Rule breakers
  5. Quick to regret
  6. Back talker
  7. Bubble-blower Gum smacker
  8. Patience tester
  9. Needy…Needy…Needy
  • What is a Daddy/Mommy Dom?

A lot like typical dominants in a BDSM relationship. They take charge  of their little as a Master would their submissive; they enjoy being in control of the scene, however like for littles, the Daddies/Mommies aren’t role-playing either. Being a caregiver/nurturer/mentor/protector/disciplinarian is an integral part of their personality. It is always a good practice to have a limit checklist and safe words in place.

  1. Provide Mental/Physical/Spiritual support
  2. Protect
  3. Provide care for
  4. Play partner, all types of play from online gaming, board games, playground time, hiking, rock climbing…any enjoyable activity that allows the little and Daddy/Mommy to bond and strengthen their roles.
  5. Sexual Partner –  A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship is generally also a sexual relationship, unless it is specified in the limits list that the relationship is a no-sexual one.
  6. Enforce agreed upon rules of behavior and guidelines to provide structure to their littles day.
  7. Provide multiple check-ins to inquire about day an provide task accountability whether phone calls, video chats, texts, etc.
  8. A Daddy/Mommy Dom will typically base their care around what a little needs. For example a little with self-harm history or present issues will visually check skin for self-inflicted wounds or prepare, provide rules around meals going so far as to monitor calorie intake and be on the lookout for sudden weight gains or losses. An exercise program, chore list,  or outline academic expectations/workplace goals. Provide emotional/physical support/follow-up around scheduled doctor or therapist appointments.
  9. A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship may be part of a greater polyamorous relationship where the little may be a little/sub/pet for one r more other family members.
  • What is a Caregiver?

Typically provides guidelines, rules, structure, mentoring, discipline as agreed upon much like a Daddy/Mommy Dom would; however a CGL is a non-sexual relationship.

  • What’s the difference between a Daddy/Mommy Dom and a Master/Mistress?

The greatest difference between Daddy Doms and a Dominant seems to be their approaches: Nurturing caregiver/mentor vs controller. Both Daddy Doms and traditional dominants have rules they expect to be obeyed.

A Daddy’s rules will reflect his and his littles goals for the little’s personal growth, may address an abusive or fatherless past, and may address a little’s worst personal habits. In many cases the little in their care may have fallen onto one or more self-harm paths, including but not limited to cutting, eating disorders, addiction.

  • What is a Lolita?

Lolita’s may or may not also embrace the ABDL or DDLG Lifestyle. So do not assume.

On the fashionable streets of Japan, women and girls of all ages dress in mid-list couture dresses  adorned with frills, lace, and intricately patterned fabric. The baby-doll dresses end in sea of ruffles just above the knees, and giant bows pin their long hair into place.  Fans of this style of dress are popping up around the globe.

Types of Lolita’s Include: Classic, Country, Gothic, Mourning, Old School, Pirate, Punk, Shiro (white), Sweet

Koko, the character in my A Little Bedtime Story series, is both little and Lolita. Buy it here:

Koko Series, 2018

 

 

 

 

 

Being Little In Public (Embracing the DDLG Lifestyle)

Okay, so you’ve decided you definitely want to try out or dive deeper into the DDLG Lifestyle…

For those of you uninitiated into this particular BDSM subset: DDLG stands for Daddy Dom Little Girl (Substitute Mommy or Caregiver, and Little Boy for multiple variations on the theme)  You may find this article of interest:  Understanding DDLG Relationships)

*As always I use male gender pronouns for Daddy and female for little because that is representative of my current dynamic.

You may be wondering just how to be your beautiful little self in public, or when you know you will be around people who have no idea you are in the lifestyle, or are totally clueless DDLG exists, and you don’t want to clue them in…

Roxy Harte wearing her Grumpy Bear Kigurumi

(Think grandma, your boss, your clergy, the lady at the checkout counter wondering if you are a pedophile)

You may be worried about accidentally regressing in a public place and need to have ways to blend in so as not to be obvious (I understand the concern. For me a PTSD Trigger or Random Panic Attack, or Garden Variety Anxiety kicks in and I’m suddenly clinging to an alternate reality and feel like I have one foot in both worlds.) Have a game plan in your mind for if the worst happens, how you can escape the situation until you are ready to deal with it.

If either of these headspaces Curious to Explore or Worried About Being Outed, feels authentic to you, it might be time to explore a few easy to incorporate practices that will subtly allow you to be little in public places that can become easier with time. Remember, start small, don’t panic, remember to breathe… and own your identity with pride (even if you’re being covert about it)

Keep in mind, everything from here on is merely suggestions or inspiration to be personalized by you based on your little-age and relationship status. If you are a single little, maybe seek out a community friendly caregiver to take you out or even a very close friend to be your accomplice.

Subtle Ways to be in Little Space and not clue in the world…

Behavior:

  • Getting ready to go out is hard! Daddy can help choose the outfit,
    Beautiful girl having fun at beach

    put on your shoes, and fix your hair. Of course you will probably try Daddy’s patience by dragging your feet and/or waiting until the last minute… and if Daddy doesn’t remind you to potty before you leave the house, he can’t get too angry when you immediately have to stop somewhere to potty. JS.

  • Always hold Daddy’s hand. If daddy forgets about hand holding, he can’t be surprised when bright and shiny, or yummy sweets distract you from whatever boring thing he is looking at and you walk away…
  • Ask for help opening and closing containers
  • Wait for help opening all doors, including car and store doors
  • Wait for Daddy to buckle your seatbelt, or remind you to do it
  • Singing, humming, carefree playing. Run, jump, skip, don’t step on any cracks…
  • Running normal errands and grocery store runs? Leave time for the toy section, book section, candy section, ice cream section.

Dining Out:

  • Ask Daddy to order for you
  • Order off of the Kid’s Menu
  • Order off the regular menu but order Kid Friendly items like french fries or tater tots
  • Order a kid friendly drink: milk, juice, Hi-C, or a milkshake
  • Find yourself at a dinner party? Appetizers and Snacks Tables offer finger foods easily imagined as Little Offerings! (I’ve been known to only eat grapes and pretzels because I’m “finicky” …technically I’m not, but it’s an easy sell.)
  • Always be on the lookout for an Ice Cream or Frozen Yogurt Shop!
  • Always have quarters ready for the bubblegum machine! Or Daddy better have some spares!

Clothing:

  • Pull-ups under clothing
  • Onesie worn under clothing
  • T-shirts with animated characters: I have a few really old Sesame Street T-shirts featuring Big Bird and Cookie Monster, one from the World of Pooh, cause Eeyore (Vintage is in)
  • T-shirts from the Gaming World… anything from Mario and Tetra to World of Warcraft and Call of Duty Works (Gaming is cool)
  • Hoodies, Winter Hats, and Summer Ball Caps with Ears (I have every season covered)
  • Furry or Elf Ears (Not just for Renfairs or Conventions)
  • Plush anything (Tactile is everything, think soft, cuddly, warm)
  • Flannel anything
  • Cute socks (these run the gamut from knee socks, cute cartoon characters to lacy anklets)
  • Always choose colors that make you feel younger…that may be pastels, or rainbow bright, or glittery, or varying shades of black. This is you claiming your version of little and it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version of little because You Do You best always!
  • Look for reasons to wear your Kigurumi anywhere and everywhere… Pub Crawls, 5-K races, Movie Premiere’s etc

Accessories:

  • Backpacks instead of a purse (This is a plus because backpacks come in every style and color imaginable. Dig animation? There is a backpack for that — fav cartoon character, Disney princess, or anime hero? Furry details? Glittery? Black leather and studs?)
  • Tiny, tiny purses…shop the kids section of any department store, or order from a specialty shop online
  • Bring along a stuffy or doll. If you are in college, this is easy peasy…claim your emotional support stuffy is easier to manage than keeping alive a support animal. If you hang out in boardrooms, this might be harder, but still doable. I’ve kept a doll from a Happy Meal for years.
  • Ink Pens with fun ink colors!
  • Pens/Pencils with Fun Toppers! (Bonus: no one will walk away with your unique item)
  • Stickers on Everything Everywhere… cause stickers
  • Hair bows, Fun Headbands, and Clips
  • Bubbles … keep a small bottle of bubbles in your purse to leave a little happy floating on the air wherever you go
  • Glitter … glitter on your face and body, in your hair, on paths … sprinkling glitter lets like minds no you are in the area

Activities:

  • Playing at a park
  • Coloring outside sidewalks with chalk
  • Arcades
  • Find a Local Coloring Club (or start one to meet once a week at a library, community center, or bookstore, because adult coloring books are big business and everyone needs stress relief!)
  • Join a role playing or reenactment group
  • Join or Create a Young Adult Book Club and mix classics like the Harry Potter series, with newer releases (if this becomes your personal project you can personalize even more with reading prizes and games to amp up the fun!)
  • Theme Parks
  • Water Parks
  • Monthly Fun Field Trip! Go with your significant other, or friends who don’t even have to know your lifestyle to do a monthly activities like attend a Disney movie premier, go to the zoo, aquarium, laser tag, putt-putt golf, or nature center)
  • Bicycling! Discover your local biking trails!
  • Little Day is all about you from beginning to end and should include fun food, fun outing, and fun small treat (even if its just a $1. kid toy from the Dollar Store)
Unabashed Self-Promotion: I love writing DDLG inspired stories. Find them on Amazon.com
and coming summer 2018
A LITTLE TEMPTATION
Plus…
more DDLG Stories are coming when I introduce Josie in A LITTLE RAGE ISSUE
so be sure to find me…
A Little Rage Issue
Little Bedtime Story – Josie
at Facebook

Littles Group (pm Roxy Harte for invite to this secret group)

at MeWe

Understanding DDLG Sex Games

I remember years ago… thirtyish… I went to a convention for salespeople and was walked through the idea of a dream board and encouraged to cover every aspect of my life and focus on how I wish it was. Now, keep in mind I was in a committed relationship with both a Dominant and a Daddy Dom at the time and the sexcapades with both were so blended that blindfolded it would have been a hard guess who I was with, and in my mind that was the saddest of sad revelations that day. There were many but to say my crazy active sex life was bumming me out was an understatement. So as I cut out magazine pics for my dreamboard, I chose several playful bedroom scenes where the couples were pillow fighting, or having silly string wars; a man blowing bubbles over his lover; and a couple eating pizza in bed naked. Both men when presented with the images and laughed, leaving me heart broken. At some point I had entered a headspace neither understood.

At this point in time, there was no Pinterest, no Facebook, and no memes… I had no idea how to convince them my needs were valid.

Decades later, I met R, and after deciding we should have our first physical play session, I told him about my dream board and he didn’t laugh. He understood. And just that fast, I was committed to him forever. A lover is easy to find, a dominant that knows what he/she is doing a little harder, and a DDLG partner whose kinks, needs and desires sync with yours is perhaps the hardest of all… or the easiest…once you start asking for exactly what you need.

Let’s talk about Foreplay:
Noooooooo…. not a quick lickity lick cunnilingus.
Ohhh, no no, no, not sex toys.
Though both may happen later… I’m talking about the little time warmup, which may vary by age-play but typically littles and middles prefer a little fun with their romp in the sack. And here, a meme will illustrate nicely just what I’m talking about:

So, yes, real fun… not cuffs and collars, nor spankings or pinchings… though again, both may come later.

  • Pillow Fights
  • Food in bed, although keep in mind food fights are messy and someone is gonna have to clean the mess up and depending on who instigated… js.
  • Ditto slime, silly string, and body paint.
  • Bubblebaths with toys, which somehow become more sexual when a playful Daddy Dom joins in.
  • Naked Hide and Seek
  • Naked Board Game Play with Challenges and Consequences
  • Building a pillow or blanket fort

The list of scenarios is endless and any type of play may find its way into the foreplay… and lead to more traditional foreplay, cuddles, tickles, blowjobs and cunnilingus, and sex.  The sweetness or roughness of the main course sex will vary by mood and couple…

Now, the Warm Down:

Aftercare isn’t just for the rougher sides of BDSM play, and doesn’t only apply for when the sex turns rough. Always take the time to cuddle, spoon, kiss, and hug while the heart rate and breathing returns to normal. Gentle conversations that include affirmations of pride and love… Rehydration with water or juice.

Some couple put together an aftercare kit, which might include any or none of the following, because only you know the components of your dynamic and most lists offer generalities:

  • Vitamin E Oil or Lotion for massage in a scent she finds relaxing (For some that might mean Lavendar or Rose, but for others Almond or Coconut, and some Patchouli or Myrrh)
  • Baby Wipes or Summers Eve Wipes for quick clean up
  • Bandaids, Antiseptic Wipes or Creams, Pain Relieving Creams, Pain or Regular Medications
  • Comfort Items: Special Snuggly Pajamas, Socks, Sleep Mask, a super soft Blanket or preferred Stuffed Animal, Pacifier or Sippy Cup
  • If you didn’t partake in a bubble bath before, now might be the perfect time ….

The important thing to remember is that it is your relationship dynamics that make you and your lover’s sex life meaningful and incredible.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my new DDLG Romance Series Line: A Little Bedtime Story… Books One to Four also connect to the Van Zant Sibling Series, introducing the brothers Julian and Liam.

A Little Bedtime Story
Koko Book Two
A Little Bedtime Story
Koko Book One

Koko Book One: A LITTLE INDULGENCE

Koko Book Two: A LITTLE IN DANGER

Koko Book Three: A LITTLE KINKY ADVENTURE (coming soon)