Tag Archives: DDLG

Babies, Littles, Middles, Brats?

DISCLAIMER: This information concerns the Adult Lifestyles ABDL and DDLG and does not in any way, shape, or form refer to or apply to actual children. Please do not ever compare adult lifestylers to actual pedophiles who are sick, twisted individuals.

Let me start by saying that the information on this page is based on my experiences and by no means a complete list of all the ways that the dynamics I am about to cover can be expressed. This information is intended only as a starting point of discovery or affirmation.

Wherever you fall in the ADBL-DDLG-BDSM spectrum, you are okay, you are valid and your choices, urges, needs are completely natural and nothing to be ashamed up. If you have come up against prejudices, disgust, fear, judgement, hate… I’m sorry you had to experience those things… but there are safe spaces where you can express yourself fully… and there is great joy and empowerment in finally accepting and embracing who you are!

In the realm of ABDL and DDLG there is a lot of confusion and prejudice still linked to the lifestyle choices of those who partake in the subcultures of BDSM known as ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl). Even among longtime kinksters there are misconceptions and misunderstanding… for vanilla outsiders, the confusion can lead to hate and disgust. Making it hard for people who long to live the lifestyle to be themselves or even ask the questions that would help them figure out who they are and what they want in a relationship.

If you have urges to regress, or feel like you’ve never really been fully adult, that being an adult is actually the role you’ve been forced to play, but that is a lie, because you are clearly ill-equipped emotionally to adult… never fear, there is a place for you where you can be yourself and find the love and validation you’ve longed for.

  • Little Age

Let’s start with the basics… Most littles can identify what age group their inner little fits into:

  1. Infant – the youngest age regressor, typically infant-toddler
  2. Baby Girl/Boy – approx 3-5 yrs old
  3. Little – approx 6-10
  4. Middles – typically tweens to teens

So let’s break it down…

  • What is an Adult Baby, Diaper Lover? And what does the relationship look like when someone says they are into this lifestyle?

Attributes of their behavior might include:

  1. Non-verbal, communicating  with happy or sad sounds not words
  2. For the most part, the adult baby is free to express themselves as an infant.Bottles
  3. cribs
  4.  Thumb or Pacifier Sucking
  5. Bed wetting/Diaper wearer
  6. Tantrums
  7. Cuddler
  8. Range of motion restriction ie diaper-type spreader with wrist restraints
  9. Enjoys being held, carried, and cared for completely. ABDL can cuddle for hours.
  10. Watching cartoons is a favorite escape for many.
  11. Naptimes are more requirement than luxury for them to function well.
  12. Needy…Needy…Needy
  • What is a Little?

A little is an adult who behaves in the role of a child at a certain age, and there can be different  ages from older toddler to younger child. Typically less than 7 or 8 years old.

A little typically adapts to their circumstance, at home alone, or with their Daddy and close,  trusted friends, they can be at their littlest. At work most littles act their age or manage to find  jobs that support their personality. During a single day many littles float somewhere between the spectrum of their two personality types…

Although DDLG can be a subset of the BDSM community, just as pet play or pony play, the greater difference is that littles and Daddies/Mommies are not pretending, or role-playing, but rather sharing an aspect of their personality. In the BDSM community age or role play for a single scene isn’t terribly unusual, but this type of scening is not DDLG because DDLG is not age play. For an adult who is little, little is their identity.  It’s a mix of feelings and emotions, it’s a way of interacting with the world from their most innocent  inner being.

Preferred behaviors might include:

  1. Pacifier user
  2. Sippy cup use
  3. Needy…Needy…Needy
  4. Cute dresses, lacy socks, and Mary Janes
  5. Any pastel clothing that reflects their younger persona, including but not limited to T’s, hoodies, and accessories with cartoon characters…
  6. however there are also Goth/Creepy Littles who prefer black clothing and a decidedly darker vibe and that’s okay!
  7. Likes to play be it coloring, gaming, or sports… littles like to be entertained and can be very needy of attention.
  8. Many littles suffer high anxiety and fear of rejection. Sadly, most have experienced more than their fair share of abandonment, rejection, and judgement.
  • What is a Middle/Brat?

There are also  older adult littles who identify as tweens or teens and are typically referred to as Middles or Brats. In DDLG, unlike BDSM a Middle or Brat personality is not shunned, ridiculed or punished for this endearing and maddening personality trait…both middles and brats are inherently mischievous, and often challenge the rules if not going so far as to break them in hopes of rattling their Doms or earning playful punishment. 

Few go so far as to be so disobedient as to earn true punishment and therein lies the problem for a straight BDSM dominant who does not like this type of submissive. Most Middles/brats struggle under a hardcore dominant and the relationship is doomed to fail, or worse, the dominant succeeds in breaking their playful spirit.

Personality Attributes:

  1. Fun-loving, playful, mischievous
  2. Blushy, giggly
  3. Tricksters, pranksters, jokesters
  4. Rebellious/Rule breakers
  5. Quick to regret
  6. Back talker
  7. Bubble-blower Gum smacker
  8. Patience tester
  9. Needy…Needy…Needy
  • What is a Daddy/Mommy Dom?

A lot like typical dominants in a BDSM relationship. They take charge  of their little as a Master would their submissive; they enjoy being in control of the scene, however like for littles, the Daddies/Mommies aren’t role-playing either. Being a caregiver/nurturer/mentor/protector/disciplinarian is an integral part of their personality. It is always a good practice to have a limit checklist and safe words in place.

  1. Provide Mental/Physical/Spiritual support
  2. Protect
  3. Provide care for
  4. Play partner, all types of play from online gaming, board games, playground time, hiking, rock climbing…any enjoyable activity that allows the little and Daddy/Mommy to bond and strengthen their roles.
  5. Sexual Partner –  A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship is generally also a sexual relationship, unless it is specified in the limits list that the relationship is a no-sexual one.
  6. Enforce agreed upon rules of behavior and guidelines to provide structure to their littles day.
  7. Provide multiple check-ins to inquire about day an provide task accountability whether phone calls, video chats, texts, etc.
  8. A Daddy/Mommy Dom will typically base their care around what a little needs. For example a little with self-harm history or present issues will visually check skin for self-inflicted wounds or prepare, provide rules around meals going so far as to monitor calorie intake and be on the lookout for sudden weight gains or losses. An exercise program, chore list,  or outline academic expectations/workplace goals. Provide emotional/physical support/follow-up around scheduled doctor or therapist appointments.
  9. A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship may be part of a greater polyamorous relationship where the little may be a little/sub/pet for one r more other family members.
  • What is a Caregiver?

Typically provides guidelines, rules, structure, mentoring, discipline as agreed upon much like a Daddy/Mommy Dom would; however a CGL is a non-sexual relationship.

  • What’s the difference between a Daddy/Mommy Dom and a Master/Mistress?

The greatest difference between Daddy Doms and a Dominant seems to be their approaches: Nurturing caregiver/mentor vs controller. Both Daddy Doms and traditional dominants have rules they expect to be obeyed.

A Daddy’s rules will reflect his and his littles goals for the little’s personal growth, may address an abusive or fatherless past, and may address a little’s worst personal habits. In many cases the little in their care may have fallen onto one or more self-harm paths, including but not limited to cutting, eating disorders, addiction.

  • What is a Lolita?

Lolita’s may or may not also embrace the ABDL or DDLG Lifestyle. So do not assume.

On the fashionable streets of Japan, women and girls of all ages dress in mid-list couture dresses  adorned with frills, lace, and intricately patterned fabric. The baby-doll dresses end in sea of ruffles just above the knees, and giant bows pin their long hair into place.  Fans of this style of dress are popping up around the globe.

Types of Lolita’s Include: Classic, Country, Gothic, Mourning, Old School, Pirate, Punk, Shiro (white), Sweet

Koko, the character in my A Little Bedtime Story series, is both little and Lolita. Buy it here:

Koko Series, 2018

 

 

 

 

 

Being Little In Public (Embracing the DDLG Lifestyle)

Okay, so you’ve decided you definitely want to try out or dive deeper into the DDLG Lifestyle…

For those of you uninitiated into this particular BDSM subset: DDLG stands for Daddy Dom Little Girl (Substitute Mommy or Caregiver, and Little Boy for multiple variations on the theme)  You may find this article of interest:  Understanding DDLG Relationships)

*As always I use male gender pronouns for Daddy and female for little because that is representative of my current dynamic.

You may be wondering just how to be your beautiful little self in public, or when you know you will be around people who have no idea you are in the lifestyle, or are totally clueless DDLG exists, and you don’t want to clue them in…

Roxy Harte wearing her Grumpy Bear Kigurumi

(Think grandma, your boss, your clergy, the lady at the checkout counter wondering if you are a pedophile)

You may be worried about accidentally regressing in a public place and need to have ways to blend in so as not to be obvious (I understand the concern. For me a PTSD Trigger or Random Panic Attack, or Garden Variety Anxiety kicks in and I’m suddenly clinging to an alternate reality and feel like I have one foot in both worlds.) Have a game plan in your mind for if the worst happens, how you can escape the situation until you are ready to deal with it.

If either of these headspaces Curious to Explore or Worried About Being Outed, feels authentic to you, it might be time to explore a few easy to incorporate practices that will subtly allow you to be little in public places that can become easier with time. Remember, start small, don’t panic, remember to breathe… and own your identity with pride (even if you’re being covert about it)

Keep in mind, everything from here on is merely suggestions or inspiration to be personalized by you based on your little-age and relationship status. If you are a single little, maybe seek out a community friendly caregiver to take you out or even a very close friend to be your accomplice.

Subtle Ways to be in Little Space and not clue in the world…

Behavior:

  • Getting ready to go out is hard! Daddy can help choose the outfit,
    Beautiful girl having fun at beach

    put on your shoes, and fix your hair. Of course you will probably try Daddy’s patience by dragging your feet and/or waiting until the last minute… and if Daddy doesn’t remind you to potty before you leave the house, he can’t get too angry when you immediately have to stop somewhere to potty. JS.

  • Always hold Daddy’s hand. If daddy forgets about hand holding, he can’t be surprised when bright and shiny, or yummy sweets distract you from whatever boring thing he is looking at and you walk away…
  • Ask for help opening and closing containers
  • Wait for help opening all doors, including car and store doors
  • Wait for Daddy to buckle your seatbelt, or remind you to do it
  • Singing, humming, carefree playing. Run, jump, skip, don’t step on any cracks…
  • Running normal errands and grocery store runs? Leave time for the toy section, book section, candy section, ice cream section.

Dining Out:

  • Ask Daddy to order for you
  • Order off of the Kid’s Menu
  • Order off the regular menu but order Kid Friendly items like french fries or tater tots
  • Order a kid friendly drink: milk, juice, Hi-C, or a milkshake
  • Find yourself at a dinner party? Appetizers and Snacks Tables offer finger foods easily imagined as Little Offerings! (I’ve been known to only eat grapes and pretzels because I’m “finicky” …technically I’m not, but it’s an easy sell.)
  • Always be on the lookout for an Ice Cream or Frozen Yogurt Shop!
  • Always have quarters ready for the bubblegum machine! Or Daddy better have some spares!

Clothing:

  • Pull-ups under clothing
  • Onesie worn under clothing
  • T-shirts with animated characters: I have a few really old Sesame Street T-shirts featuring Big Bird and Cookie Monster, one from the World of Pooh, cause Eeyore (Vintage is in)
  • T-shirts from the Gaming World… anything from Mario and Tetra to World of Warcraft and Call of Duty Works (Gaming is cool)
  • Hoodies, Winter Hats, and Summer Ball Caps with Ears (I have every season covered)
  • Furry or Elf Ears (Not just for Renfairs or Conventions)
  • Plush anything (Tactile is everything, think soft, cuddly, warm)
  • Flannel anything
  • Cute socks (these run the gamut from knee socks, cute cartoon characters to lacy anklets)
  • Always choose colors that make you feel younger…that may be pastels, or rainbow bright, or glittery, or varying shades of black. This is you claiming your version of little and it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version of little because You Do You best always!
  • Look for reasons to wear your Kigurumi anywhere and everywhere… Pub Crawls, 5-K races, Movie Premiere’s etc

Accessories:

  • Backpacks instead of a purse (This is a plus because backpacks come in every style and color imaginable. Dig animation? There is a backpack for that — fav cartoon character, Disney princess, or anime hero? Furry details? Glittery? Black leather and studs?)
  • Tiny, tiny purses…shop the kids section of any department store, or order from a specialty shop online
  • Bring along a stuffy or doll. If you are in college, this is easy peasy…claim your emotional support stuffy is easier to manage than keeping alive a support animal. If you hang out in boardrooms, this might be harder, but still doable. I’ve kept a doll from a Happy Meal for years.
  • Ink Pens with fun ink colors!
  • Pens/Pencils with Fun Toppers! (Bonus: no one will walk away with your unique item)
  • Stickers on Everything Everywhere… cause stickers
  • Hair bows, Fun Headbands, and Clips
  • Bubbles … keep a small bottle of bubbles in your purse to leave a little happy floating on the air wherever you go
  • Glitter … glitter on your face and body, in your hair, on paths … sprinkling glitter lets like minds no you are in the area

Activities:

  • Playing at a park
  • Coloring outside sidewalks with chalk
  • Arcades
  • Find a Local Coloring Club (or start one to meet once a week at a library, community center, or bookstore, because adult coloring books are big business and everyone needs stress relief!)
  • Join a role playing or reenactment group
  • Join or Create a Young Adult Book Club and mix classics like the Harry Potter series, with newer releases (if this becomes your personal project you can personalize even more with reading prizes and games to amp up the fun!)
  • Theme Parks
  • Water Parks
  • Monthly Fun Field Trip! Go with your significant other, or friends who don’t even have to know your lifestyle to do a monthly activities like attend a Disney movie premier, go to the zoo, aquarium, laser tag, putt-putt golf, or nature center)
  • Bicycling! Discover your local biking trails!
  • Little Day is all about you from beginning to end and should include fun food, fun outing, and fun small treat (even if its just a $1. kid toy from the Dollar Store)
Unabashed Self-Promotion: I love writing DDLG inspired stories. Find them on Amazon.com
and coming summer 2018
A LITTLE TEMPTATION
Plus…
more DDLG Stories are coming when I introduce Josie in A LITTLE RAGE ISSUE
so be sure to find me…
A Little Rage Issue
Little Bedtime Story – Josie
at Facebook

Littles Group (pm Roxy Harte for invite to this secret group)

at MeWe

More DDLG Novels Coming Soon!

Some of my readers have asked if Koko or the Little Bedtime Stories series will have future books and the answer is yes!!

I am writing a fourth book for Koko: A LITTLE TEMPTATION
and…
I am introducing two new littles…
The first will appear in Koko’s 4th book and *spoiler* she is the temptation. The question is who will be tempted by this fireball? Koko? Julian? Or Liam? And, oh no, is the menage a troi at risk…
Ummm…
I’m pleading the fifth. I’m only comfortable with one spoiler per blog post… sorry.

I am writing a new little!

Josie, a budding country singer, is rising up the charts with her singin

A Little Rage Issue Little Bedtime Story – Josie coming summer 2018

g duo partner and fiance Stephan, but he is a lying, cheating horndog who is trying to destroy her reputation so he can keep climbing the charts solo. So is there any wonder why she has A LITTLE RAGE ISSUE? I wonder if there is a sexy cowboy available to help her regress and enjoy life as a little while protecting her from Stephan and encouraging her to pursue her secret passions?

Interested in learning more about the subgroup of BDSM known as DDLG – Daddy Dom Little Girl (or Mommy, or Little Boys)? I wrote this article: Understanding DDLG Relationships

Be sure to FOLLOW ME!!
at Facebook
Littles Group (pm Roxy Harte for invite to this secret group)
at MeWe

 

 

Understanding DDLG Relationships

WHAT IS DDLG?
My books A LITTLE INDULGENCE, A LITTLE IN DANGER, and A LITTLE KINKY ADVENTURE are based in the BDSM subworld of DDLG and although there are some similarities, there are many differences that make DDLG very distinctly different. Let’s dive into this mystical world of glitter and unicorns and see if we can answer all your burning questions. This acronym stands for Daddy Dom little girl, and no, not a biological parent role! DDLG is a dynamic between two consensual adults, regardless of whether sex is part of the dynamic or not. This is where it starts to get a tiny bit more complicated, because some relationships are sexual, but some are not; some relationships involve age play; others involve age regression. To understand either of these concepts more fully please follow the hyperlinks and don’t worry if the more you search for answers the more confusing the answers become. Even lifestylers of BDSM and DDLG disagree on whether age play is pretending or if even related to being little as most litles feel like they are channeling their inner child; and the more often they do so, the easier the practice becomes; until the slide between adult and little-space happens in the blink of an eye.
WHAT IS A LITTLE?
First off, little refers to a submissive personality type, who typically has some childlike (or tween, or teen) behaviors and mannerisms. Littles can be male or female, young, or old. I typically use the pronoun she because I reference of my own experiences. They are found in all walks of life, the woman you see jogging on your way into work; the cashier at the corner pharmacy; the banker, police officer, or even president of the company where you work. A little may like bubblegum, pastel dresses, and still be drawn to cartoons. She might enjoy being called baby, or princess, or little one. She might also be at the far end of the spectrum and have a closet full of black everything, from the most delicate camisole to the heavy soles of a pair of combat boots.
Perhaps you can admit you’ve been aware for a while that you were wired slightly differently than your peers. Labels like immature, needy, childish, sensitive, naïve, careless, klutzy, and ditzy seem to be thrown at Littles like those qualities are a negatives. I am here to assure you, that you would thrive in a DDLG relationship. There are two types of Daddy Dom little girl relationships. The first type is Caregiver. A Caregiver-little relationship is non-sexual and completely platonic. The second type is sexual between the Daddy Dom and little. For purposes of this article I am going to solely focus on a sexual DDLG relationship, which has two distinct parts. The playful parts and the sexy parts.
Littles may or may not submit in a traditional sense. Typically littles are passive and/or fragile/needy by nature; sometimes whiny or bratty; sometimes difficult to control, and that is what makes the role of Daddy so important. In DDLG, the little behaves(obeys) rather than solely submits to. Her acquiescence to rules is based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.
What is a Daddy? (There are also Mommy/Little relationships!)
Typically in the DDLG relationship, the Daddy is a Daddy Dom, a variation of a more traditional BDSM dominant role. I often refer to Daddy Doms as the kinder, gentler version of a Dom, but this is not fact, merely based on my own experiences. The Daddy Dom will see his sub as little and view his role as keeper, guide, mentor, caretaker, chief spoiler and will have certain expectations of his charge/sexual partner based on the type of relationship hi little desires.
In DDLG, the little submits but her submission in based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met. Daddy’s are not cookie-cutter variety although they have many similarities. They nurture by nature, as if they are genetically wired to prefer caring, sheltering, mentoring and indulging to discipline. They may lay down many rules or few. Again, the relationship is based on the little’s needs and most know and accept that their littles can be very demanding, so patience, understanding, and compassion are the type of personality traits required.Most littles will ask to be supervised, managed, and disciplined. There might or might not be elements of BDSM beyond the typical disciplines, which would be discussed and agreed to during the negotiation process. The only note here I would add is that most littles need built up, not torn down. Most littles are fragile and often recovering from years of self-esteem issues and many have suffered neglect, if not outright abuse and are recovering. All kink activities will fall under the list of hard and soft limits. Hardcore BDSM techniques such as degradation or humiliation are typically not present.
What is DDLG Playtime?
First, make a list of activities you love to do and do well. Drawing, painting, coloring, singing, dancing, running, even going to the gym could become the support system your little needs. The goal is to give yourself permission to spoil yourself with “It’s All About Me Time!” These are all opportunities to coax out your younger more playful self. You will discover as you delve deeper in the lifestyle that some days are much harder to draw out your little than others. Adult worries: bills, school/work expectations, obligations. Also for mommy’s and daddy’s that are also trying to be little with their partner as well as parent may find the task daunting. The trick is to relax and try to let play flow naturally. If you find this part especially difficult, the difficulty may lay in embarrassment or a deeper seated issue that you may need to mentally work through. However, if it is just the adult thoughts on your mind are making it hard to escape. Remember that your brain is a muscle and it can be trained to respond when you are ready to seek out little-space.
I’m fairly certain your chosen Daddy is more than willing to help you explore and define your Playtime Little Identity. Try a bubble bath. The key is for your partner to remain clothed. He can help you bathe, wash your hair, laugh at your bubble beards… Try coloring and watching cartoons….
What is DDLG Sexy Time Like?
Many Daddies will continue to us playful names baby, babygirl, little one, sweetheart, bunny, kitten, princess..ect. Many littles will continue to call their partners Daddy, but some may revert to Sir. Anatomical parts will sometimes fall under the umbrella term princess parts or Daddy parts, and activities will have cutesy or kawaii labels.
Just like discovering you and your Daddy’s dynamic can only be defined by the activities that your inner little will enjoy and no two play identities are exactly the same, ditto that times a hundred when it comes to defining your Sexual Little identity. Most important, give yourself permission to explore this part of you thoroughly. Thankfully, you have entered into a fairly well structured world and the BDSM world is a huge place indeed, but don’t worry, those who have come before you have left behind the tools of the lifestyle.
Create the Rules or Guidelines for your relationship.
First up, the DDLG Scene Negotiation Form. On this form you will clarify whether your little is a princess, or bratty, or subbie. You might be some combination of all three that may evolve as you get more comfortable with your role. Most DDLG relationships have some form of BDSM play, even if in its most mild form like affirmation writing, called “Lines” and considered a punishment or a growth tool. You might prefer to initially go through the list of choices alone and then review with your Daddy or you may want to go through and check activities together. Basically you are telling your new partner what activities you will or will not be willing to participate in, these will be called your “hard” and “soft limits.”
Play Safe!
You will also establish a safe word with your partner. I prefer a traffic light system. Green means you feel safe and secure, Yellow means you are nervous and possibly afraid, letting your partner know to proceed with caution, maybe even take a time out to talk about the activity to determine what part of what you are participating in is making you nervous; Red means everything stops because you are at your limit, and that can be mentally, physically, or emotionally.
Remember, using your safewords, helps you and your partner build a deeper level of trust and understanding about each other.
Unabashed Self-Promotion: I love writing DDLG inspired stories. Find them on Amazon.com
and coming summer 2018
A LITTLE TEMPTATION
Plus…
more DDLG Stories are coming when I introduce Josie in A LITTLE RAGE ISSUE
so be sure to find me…
A Little Rage Issue
Little Bedtime Story – Josie
at Facebook

Littles Group (pm Roxy Harte for invite to this secret group)

at MeWe

Koko’s Adventures Continue

My third DDLG Erotic Romance, featuring Koko and the Van Zant brothers, Julian and Liam, is now availABLE!

A Little Kinky Adventure

The Eurasia Tour is over for Lolita J-Pop mega star, Koko, and her lovers, brothers Julian and Liam Van Zant. For six months Julian has been the man she calls Daddy; his brother Liam, Papi; however on her final photoshoot things go terribly wrong because sometimes her mouth gets her in really big trouble. Things said in anger that should never be said, place their ménage à troi in jeopardy.

Liam tries to repair the damage in a most unorthodox way by taking Koko for a long weekend getaway filled with dancing and kink, but will showing her his darker side be too much or just enough to hold on to the woman who has wrapped both he and his brother around her finger?

Julian would do anything to take back his threatened discipline but knows consistent firmness are exactly what his little pop star needs in her life.

For Koko, the situation is dire. Without the constant pace of tour to occupy her mind, reliving her best friend, Ikuta’s, final minutes consumes her nightmares and waking hours. With her lovers torn between anger and worry, she fears nothing will ever be the same. Is love enough to conquer all?

Note: Although the protagonist, Koko, is well beyond the age of consent, she presents part time as a “little”; that is, she acts like a young girl. The sex in this series takes place between consenting adults, but those with a history of childhood sexual abuse or incest may find this triggering.

Buy A Little Kinky Adventure Now!

Catch up with her previous Adventures

1- A Little Indulgence                                            2- A Little in Danger

                     

 

Understanding DDLG, the Daddy Dom Little Girl Lifestyle

WHAT IS DDLG?
The titles A LITTLE INDULGENCE and A LITTLE IN DANGER are both based in the BDSM subworld of DDLG and although there are some similarities, there are many differences that make DDLG very distinctly different. Let’s dive into this mystical world of glitter and unicorns and see if we can answer all your burning questions. This acronym stands for Daddy Dom little girl, and no, not a biological parent role! DDLG is a dynamic between two consensual adults, regardless of whether sex is part of the dynamic or not.

This is where it starts to get a tiny bit more complicated, because some relationships are sexual, but some are not; some relationships involve age play; others involve age regression. To understand either of these concepts more fully please follow the hyperlinks and don’t worry if the more you search for answers the more confusing the answers become. Even lifestylers of BDSM and DDLG disagree on whether age play is pretending or if even related to being little as most litles feel like they are channeling their inner child; and the more often they do so, the easier the practice becomes; until the slide between adult and little-space happens in the blink of an eye.

WHAT IS A LITTLE?
First off, little refers to a submissive personality type, who typically has some childlike (or tween, or teen) behaviors and mannerisms. Littles can be male or female, young, or old. I typically use the pronoun she because I reference of my own experiences. They are found in all walks of life, the woman you see jogging on your way into work; the cashier at the corner pharmacy; the banker, police officer, or even president of the company where you work. A little may like bubblegum, pastel dresses, and still be drawn to cartoons. She might enjoy being called baby, or princess, or little one. She might also be at the far end of the spectrum and have a closet full of black everything, from the most delicate camisole to the heavy soles of a pair of combat boots.

Perhaps you can admit you’ve been aware for a while that you were wired slightly differently than your peers. Labels like immature, needy, childish, sensitive, naïve, careless, klutzy, and ditzy seem to be thrown at Littles like those qualities are a negatives. I am here to assure you, that you would thrive in a DDLG relationship. There are two types of Daddy Dom little girl relationships. The first type is Caregiver. A Caregiver-little relationship is non-sexual and completely platonic. The second type is sexual between the Daddy Dom and little. For purposes of this article I am going to solely focus on a sexual DDLG relationship, which has two distinct parts. The playful parts and the sexy parts.

Littles may or may not submit in a traditional sense. Typically littles are passive and/or fragile/needy by nature; sometimes whiny or bratty; sometimes difficult to control, and that is what makes the role of Daddy so important. In DDLG, the little behaves(obeys) rather than solely submits to. Her acquiescence to rules is based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.

What is a Daddy?
Typically in the DDLG relationship, the Daddy is a Daddy Dom, a variation of a more traditional BDSM dominant role. I often refer to Daddy Doms as the kinder, gentler version of a Dom, but this is not fact, merely based on my own experiences. The Daddy Dom will see his sub as little and view his role as keeper, guide, mentor, caretaker, chief spoiler and will have certain expectations of his charge/sexual partner based on the type of relationship hi little desires. In DDLG, the little submits but her submission in based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.
Daddy’s are not cookie-cutter variety although they have many similarities. They nurture by nature, as if they are genetically wired to prefer caring, sheltering, mentoring and indulging to discipline. They may lay down many rules or few. Again, the relationship is based on the little’s needs and most know and accept that their littles can be very demanding, so patience, understanding, and compassion are the type of personality traits required.
Most littles will ask to be supervised, managed, and disciplined. There might or might not be elements of BDSM beyond the typical disciplines, which would be discussed and agreed to during the negotiation process. The only note here I would add is that most littles need built up, not torn down. Most littles are fragile and often recovering from years of self-esteem issues and many have suffered neglect, if not outright abuse and are recovering. All kink activities will fall under the list of hard and soft limits. Hardcore BDSM techniques such as degradation or humiliation are typically not present.
What is DDLG Playtime?
First, make a list of activities you love to do and do well. Drawing, painting, coloring, singing, dancing, running, even going to the gym could become the support system your little needs. The goal is to give yourself permission to spoil yourself with “It’s All About Me Time!” These are all opportunities to coax out your younger more playful self. You will discover as you delve deeper in the lifestyle that some days are much harder to draw out your little than others. Adult worries: bills, school/work expectations, obligations. Also for mommy’s and daddy’s that are also trying to be little with their partner as well as parent may find the task daunting. The trick is to relax and try to let play flow naturally. If you find this part especially difficult, the difficulty may lay in embarrassment or a deeper seated issue that you may need to mentally work through. However, if it is just the adult thoughts on your mind are making it hard to escape. Remember that your brain is a muscle and it can be trained to respond when you are ready to seek out little-space.

I’m fairly certain your chosen Daddy is more than willing to help you explore and define your Playtime Little Identity. Try a bubble bath. The key is for your partner to remain clothed. He can help you bathe, wash your hair, laugh at your bubble beards… Try coloring and watching cartoons….

What is DDLG Sexy Time Like? Many Daddies will continue to us playful names baby, babygirl, little one, sweetheart, bunny, kitten, princess..ect. Many littles will continue to call their partners Daddy, but some may revert to Sir. Anatomical parts will sometimes fall under the umbrella term princess parts or Daddy parts, and activities will have cutesy or kawaii labels.

Just like discovering you and your Daddy’s dynamic can only be defined by the activities that your inner little will enjoy and no two play identities are exactly the same, ditto that times a hundred when it comes to defining your Sexual Little identity. Most important, give yourself permission to explore this part of you thoroughly. Thankfully, you have entered into a fairly well structured world and the BDSM world is a huge place indeed, but don’t worry, those who have come before you have left behind the tools of the lifestyle.

First up, the DDLG Scene Negotiation Form. On this form you will clarify whether your little is a princess, or bratty, or subbie. You might be some combination of all three that may evolve as you get more comfortable with your role. Most DDLG relationships have some form of BDSM play, even if in its most mild form like affirmation writing, called “Lines” and considered a punishment or a growth tool. You might prefer to initially go through the list of choices alone and then review with your Daddy or you may want to go through and check activities together. Basically you are telling your new partner what activities you will or will not be willing to participate in, these will be called your “hard” and “soft limits.”

You will also establish a safe word with your partner. I prefer a traffic light system. Green means you feel safe and secure, Yellow means you are nervous and possibly afraid, letting your partner know to proceed with caution, maybe even take a time out to talk about the activity to determine what part of what you are participating in is making you nervous; Red means everything stops because you are at your limit, and that can be mentally, physically, or emotionally.

Remember, using your safewords, helps you and your partner build a deeper level of trust and understanding about each other, and if anyone tries to make you feel small or wrong about using your safewords, rethink the relationship immediately.
©Roxy Harte

If you are interested in joining the FB Secret Little/Daddy group I own, private message me on Facebook. Or email me at roxyharte @ gmail.com with Secret Littles in subject line.

Unabashed Self-Promotion: I love writing DDLG inspired stories. Find them on Amazon.com
A LITTLE KINKY WEEKEND(coming in 2018)

Understanding DDLG Sex Games

I remember years ago… thirtyish… I went to a convention for salespeople and was walked through the idea of a dream board and encouraged to cover every aspect of my life and focus on how I wish it was. Now, keep in mind I was in a committed relationship with both a Dominant and a Daddy Dom at the time and the sexcapades with both were so blended that blindfolded it would have been a hard guess who I was with, and in my mind that was the saddest of sad revelations that day. There were many but to say my crazy active sex life was bumming me out was an understatement. So as I cut out magazine pics for my dreamboard, I chose several playful bedroom scenes where the couples were pillow fighting, or having silly string wars; a man blowing bubbles over his lover; and a couple eating pizza in bed naked. Both men when presented with the images and laughed, leaving me heart broken. At some point I had entered a headspace neither understood.

At this point in time, there was no Pinterest, no Facebook, and no memes… I had no idea how to convince them my needs were valid.

Decades later, I met R, and after deciding we should have our first physical play session, I told him about my dream board and he didn’t laugh. He understood. And just that fast, I was committed to him forever. A lover is easy to find, a dominant that knows what he/she is doing a little harder, and a DDLG partner whose kinks, needs and desires sync with yours is perhaps the hardest of all… or the easiest…once you start asking for exactly what you need.

Let’s talk about Foreplay:
Noooooooo…. not a quick lickity lick cunnilingus.
Ohhh, no no, no, not sex toys.
Though both may happen later… I’m talking about the little time warmup, which may vary by age-play but typically littles and middles prefer a little fun with their romp in the sack. And here, a meme will illustrate nicely just what I’m talking about:

So, yes, real fun… not cuffs and collars, nor spankings or pinchings… though again, both may come later.

  • Pillow Fights
  • Food in bed, although keep in mind food fights are messy and someone is gonna have to clean the mess up and depending on who instigated… js.
  • Ditto slime, silly string, and body paint.
  • Bubblebaths with toys, which somehow become more sexual when a playful Daddy Dom joins in.
  • Naked Hide and Seek
  • Naked Board Game Play with Challenges and Consequences
  • Building a pillow or blanket fort

The list of scenarios is endless and any type of play may find its way into the foreplay… and lead to more traditional foreplay, cuddles, tickles, blowjobs and cunnilingus, and sex.  The sweetness or roughness of the main course sex will vary by mood and couple…

Now, the Warm Down:

Aftercare isn’t just for the rougher sides of BDSM play, and doesn’t only apply for when the sex turns rough. Always take the time to cuddle, spoon, kiss, and hug while the heart rate and breathing returns to normal. Gentle conversations that include affirmations of pride and love… Rehydration with water or juice.

Some couple put together an aftercare kit, which might include any or none of the following, because only you know the components of your dynamic and most lists offer generalities:

  • Vitamin E Oil or Lotion for massage in a scent she finds relaxing (For some that might mean Lavendar or Rose, but for others Almond or Coconut, and some Patchouli or Myrrh)
  • Baby Wipes or Summers Eve Wipes for quick clean up
  • Bandaids, Antiseptic Wipes or Creams, Pain Relieving Creams, Pain or Regular Medications
  • Comfort Items: Special Snuggly Pajamas, Socks, Sleep Mask, a super soft Blanket or preferred Stuffed Animal, Pacifier or Sippy Cup
  • If you didn’t partake in a bubble bath before, now might be the perfect time ….

The important thing to remember is that it is your relationship dynamics that make you and your lover’s sex life meaningful and incredible.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my new DDLG Romance Series Line: A Little Bedtime Story… Books One to Four also connect to the Van Zant Sibling Series, introducing the brothers Julian and Liam.

A Little Bedtime Story
Koko Book Two
A Little Bedtime Story
Koko Book One

Koko Book One: A LITTLE INDULGENCE

Koko Book Two: A LITTLE IN DANGER

Koko Book Three: A LITTLE KINKY ADVENTURE (coming soon)

 

 

 

 

 

WHERE TO FIND ROXY HARTE EROTIC ROMANCES

Easiest find for ALL of my erotica is at Amazon, Google Play and also at Loose-Id.

Now let me tell you about my Van Zant Sibling Series… let me say up front all of the titles are under contract but may not yet be available but coming soon and are in the production process so watch my page for updates… not yet available signified by *

BRIAN: it started as a single title about Brian, one of twelve siblings, is a coming-out story and tells about the betrayal of his husband who dallied with his twin… SURVIVAL INSTINCT

ALEXANDRA: when this uber-genius started whispering in my ear I thought single title, but then everyone fell in love with her. She’s OCD, ADHD, bi-polar, and a science genius…and such a beautiful mess. What was she thinking when a shot of tequila with her best mate turned into many shots and a menage a quatre on the bartop with his best mates…needless to say SURVIVING THE BIG MISTAKES had a lot of story and ongoing suspense… CONSEQUENCES OF THE BIG MISTAKES, LEARNING FROM THE BIG MISTAKES, SHIBARI PRESENCE, *HEALING FROM THE BIG MISTAKES, and *REVELATIONS OF THE BIG MISTAKES followed.

JESSICA: the oldest, big sister to Alexandra and eleven brothers, is a war widow with two teenagers and a life do-over plan on the beach (perfect summer read, right?) not convinced? Sun, sand, shibari, and not one romantic interest but three! With screaming orgasms in decadent proportions: LEARNING TO BREATHE and *LEARNING TO BREATHE AGAIN

JULIAN and LIAM: inseparable brothers in life, livelihood, and libido… these two are two hot to handle and introduce my DDLG (age play) series: A LITTLE BEDTIME STORY… where you meet Koko, who is a 22 year old J-Pop Diva who wears Lolita fashions and big colorful wigs and stands only 4’8”, a dream come true baby doll ingenue (if you disapprove of spankings, Daddy-little girl sex games between consenting, unrelated adults, move on )

*Bk 1 A LITTLE INDULGENCE, *Bk 2 A LITTLE IN DANGER, *Bk 3 A LITTLE KINKY ADVENTURE, *Bk 4 A LITTLE TEMPTATION

This series is ongoing, there are up to six more siblings to meet! And this is one kinky family!