I remember years ago… thirtyish… I went to a convention for salespeople and was walked through the idea of a dream board and encouraged to cover every aspect of my life and focus on how I wish it was. Now, keep in mind I was in a committed relationship with both a Dominant and a Daddy Dom at the time and the sexcapades with both were so blended that blindfolded it would have been a hard guess who I was with, and in my mind that was the saddest of sad revelations that day. There were many but to say my crazy active sex life was bumming me out was an understatement. So as I cut out magazine pics for my dreamboard, I chose several playful bedroom scenes where the couples were pillow fighting, or having silly string wars; a man blowing bubbles over his lover; and a couple eating pizza in bed naked. Both men when presented with the images and laughed, leaving me heart broken. At some point I had entered a headspace neither understood.
At this point in time, there was no Pinterest, no Facebook, and no memes… I had no idea how to convince them my needs were valid.
Decades later, I met R, and after deciding we should have our first physical play session, I told him about my dream board and he didn’t laugh. He understood. And just that fast, I was committed to him forever. A lover is easy to find, a dominant that knows what he/she is doing a little harder, and a DDLG partner whose kinks, needs and desires sync with yours is perhaps the hardest of all… or the easiest…once you start asking for exactly what you need.
Let’s talk about Foreplay:
Noooooooo…. not a quick lickity lick cunnilingus.
Ohhh, no no, no, not sex toys.
Though both may happen later… I’m talking about the little time warmup, which may vary by age-play but typically littles and middles prefer a little fun with their romp in the sack. And here, a meme will illustrate nicely just what I’m talking about:
So, yes, real fun… not cuffs and collars, nor spankings or pinchings… though again, both may come later.
- Pillow Fights
- Food in bed, although keep in mind food fights are messy and someone is gonna have to clean the mess up and depending on who instigated… js.
- Ditto slime, silly string, and body paint.
- Bubblebaths with toys, which somehow become more sexual when a playful Daddy Dom joins in.
- Naked Hide and Seek
- Naked Board Game Play with Challenges and Consequences
- Building a pillow or blanket fort
The list of scenarios is endless and any type of play may find its way into the foreplay… and lead to more traditional foreplay, cuddles, tickles, blowjobs and cunnilingus, and sex. The sweetness or roughness of the main course sex will vary by mood and couple…
Now, the Warm Down:
Aftercare isn’t just for the rougher sides of BDSM play, and doesn’t only apply for when the sex turns rough. Always take the time to cuddle, spoon, kiss, and hug while the heart rate and breathing returns to normal. Gentle conversations that include affirmations of pride and love… Rehydration with water or juice.
Some couple put together an aftercare kit, which might include any or none of the following, because only you know the components of your dynamic and most lists offer generalities:
- Vitamin E Oil or Lotion for massage in a scent she finds relaxing (For some that might mean Lavendar or Rose, but for others Almond or Coconut, and some Patchouli or Myrrh)
- Baby Wipes or Summers Eve Wipes for quick clean up
- Bandaids, Antiseptic Wipes or Creams, Pain Relieving Creams, Pain or Regular Medications
- Comfort Items: Special Snuggly Pajamas, Socks, Sleep Mask, a super soft Blanket or preferred Stuffed Animal, Pacifier or Sippy Cup
- If you didn’t partake in a bubble bath before, now might be the perfect time ….
The important thing to remember is that it is your relationship dynamics that make you and your lover’s sex life meaningful and incredible.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my new DDLG Romance Series Line: A Little Bedtime Story… Books One to Four also connect to the Van Zant Sibling Series, introducing the brothers Julian and Liam.
Koko Book One: A LITTLE INDULGENCE
Koko Book Two: A LITTLE IN DANGER
Koko Book Three: A LITTLE KINKY ADVENTURE (coming soon)