Tag Archives: safewords

Understanding DDLG, the Daddy Dom Little Girl Lifestyle

WHAT IS DDLG?
The titles A LITTLE INDULGENCE and A LITTLE IN DANGER are both based in the BDSM subworld of DDLG and although there are some similarities, there are many differences that make DDLG very distinctly different. Let’s dive into this mystical world of glitter and unicorns and see if we can answer all your burning questions. This acronym stands for Daddy Dom little girl, and no, not a biological parent role! DDLG is a dynamic between two consensual adults, regardless of whether sex is part of the dynamic or not.

This is where it starts to get a tiny bit more complicated, because some relationships are sexual, but some are not; some relationships involve age play; others involve age regression. To understand either of these concepts more fully please follow the hyperlinks and don’t worry if the more you search for answers the more confusing the answers become. Even lifestylers of BDSM and DDLG disagree on whether age play is pretending or if even related to being little as most litles feel like they are channeling their inner child; and the more often they do so, the easier the practice becomes; until the slide between adult and little-space happens in the blink of an eye.

WHAT IS A LITTLE?
First off, little refers to a submissive personality type, who typically has some childlike (or tween, or teen) behaviors and mannerisms. Littles can be male or female, young, or old. I typically use the pronoun she because I reference of my own experiences. They are found in all walks of life, the woman you see jogging on your way into work; the cashier at the corner pharmacy; the banker, police officer, or even president of the company where you work. A little may like bubblegum, pastel dresses, and still be drawn to cartoons. She might enjoy being called baby, or princess, or little one. She might also be at the far end of the spectrum and have a closet full of black everything, from the most delicate camisole to the heavy soles of a pair of combat boots.

Perhaps you can admit you’ve been aware for a while that you were wired slightly differently than your peers. Labels like immature, needy, childish, sensitive, naïve, careless, klutzy, and ditzy seem to be thrown at Littles like those qualities are a negatives. I am here to assure you, that you would thrive in a DDLG relationship. There are two types of Daddy Dom little girl relationships. The first type is Caregiver. A Caregiver-little relationship is non-sexual and completely platonic. The second type is sexual between the Daddy Dom and little. For purposes of this article I am going to solely focus on a sexual DDLG relationship, which has two distinct parts. The playful parts and the sexy parts.

Littles may or may not submit in a traditional sense. Typically littles are passive and/or fragile/needy by nature; sometimes whiny or bratty; sometimes difficult to control, and that is what makes the role of Daddy so important. In DDLG, the little behaves(obeys) rather than solely submits to. Her acquiescence to rules is based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.

What is a Daddy?
Typically in the DDLG relationship, the Daddy is a Daddy Dom, a variation of a more traditional BDSM dominant role. I often refer to Daddy Doms as the kinder, gentler version of a Dom, but this is not fact, merely based on my own experiences. The Daddy Dom will see his sub as little and view his role as keeper, guide, mentor, caretaker, chief spoiler and will have certain expectations of his charge/sexual partner based on the type of relationship hi little desires. In DDLG, the little submits but her submission in based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.
Daddy’s are not cookie-cutter variety although they have many similarities. They nurture by nature, as if they are genetically wired to prefer caring, sheltering, mentoring and indulging to discipline. They may lay down many rules or few. Again, the relationship is based on the little’s needs and most know and accept that their littles can be very demanding, so patience, understanding, and compassion are the type of personality traits required.
Most littles will ask to be supervised, managed, and disciplined. There might or might not be elements of BDSM beyond the typical disciplines, which would be discussed and agreed to during the negotiation process. The only note here I would add is that most littles need built up, not torn down. Most littles are fragile and often recovering from years of self-esteem issues and many have suffered neglect, if not outright abuse and are recovering. All kink activities will fall under the list of hard and soft limits. Hardcore BDSM techniques such as degradation or humiliation are typically not present.
What is DDLG Playtime?
First, make a list of activities you love to do and do well. Drawing, painting, coloring, singing, dancing, running, even going to the gym could become the support system your little needs. The goal is to give yourself permission to spoil yourself with “It’s All About Me Time!” These are all opportunities to coax out your younger more playful self. You will discover as you delve deeper in the lifestyle that some days are much harder to draw out your little than others. Adult worries: bills, school/work expectations, obligations. Also for mommy’s and daddy’s that are also trying to be little with their partner as well as parent may find the task daunting. The trick is to relax and try to let play flow naturally. If you find this part especially difficult, the difficulty may lay in embarrassment or a deeper seated issue that you may need to mentally work through. However, if it is just the adult thoughts on your mind are making it hard to escape. Remember that your brain is a muscle and it can be trained to respond when you are ready to seek out little-space.

I’m fairly certain your chosen Daddy is more than willing to help you explore and define your Playtime Little Identity. Try a bubble bath. The key is for your partner to remain clothed. He can help you bathe, wash your hair, laugh at your bubble beards… Try coloring and watching cartoons….

What is DDLG Sexy Time Like? Many Daddies will continue to us playful names baby, babygirl, little one, sweetheart, bunny, kitten, princess..ect. Many littles will continue to call their partners Daddy, but some may revert to Sir. Anatomical parts will sometimes fall under the umbrella term princess parts or Daddy parts, and activities will have cutesy or kawaii labels.

Just like discovering you and your Daddy’s dynamic can only be defined by the activities that your inner little will enjoy and no two play identities are exactly the same, ditto that times a hundred when it comes to defining your Sexual Little identity. Most important, give yourself permission to explore this part of you thoroughly. Thankfully, you have entered into a fairly well structured world and the BDSM world is a huge place indeed, but don’t worry, those who have come before you have left behind the tools of the lifestyle.

First up, the DDLG Scene Negotiation Form. On this form you will clarify whether your little is a princess, or bratty, or subbie. You might be some combination of all three that may evolve as you get more comfortable with your role. Most DDLG relationships have some form of BDSM play, even if in its most mild form like affirmation writing, called “Lines” and considered a punishment or a growth tool. You might prefer to initially go through the list of choices alone and then review with your Daddy or you may want to go through and check activities together. Basically you are telling your new partner what activities you will or will not be willing to participate in, these will be called your “hard” and “soft limits.”

You will also establish a safe word with your partner. I prefer a traffic light system. Green means you feel safe and secure, Yellow means you are nervous and possibly afraid, letting your partner know to proceed with caution, maybe even take a time out to talk about the activity to determine what part of what you are participating in is making you nervous; Red means everything stops because you are at your limit, and that can be mentally, physically, or emotionally.

Remember, using your safewords, helps you and your partner build a deeper level of trust and understanding about each other, and if anyone tries to make you feel small or wrong about using your safewords, rethink the relationship immediately.
©Roxy Harte

If you are interested in joining the FB Secret Little/Daddy group I own, private message me on Facebook. Or email me at roxyharte @ gmail.com with Secret Littles in subject line.

Unabashed Self-Promotion: I love writing DDLG inspired stories. Find them on Amazon.com
A LITTLE KINKY WEEKEND(coming in 2018)