Today is an exciting day! Yes, it’s release day… but for me, it’s taking my writer’s life to the next level! Yes, I final broke the self-publishing wall … not because I can’t find another publisher … but after 20 years of doing this and seeing my art changed to meet another’s formulas, I’m kinda over it. Now… I can take the word length to where I want it.
Just who is sleeping with whom?
Love, lust, hate, revenge, heartbreak and triumph abound for four men and five women experiencing the joys and trials of polyamorous life, Los Angeles style. They’re not above wading into each other’s drama, wallowing in each other’s misery, offering unsolicited advice or swapping romantic partners. The sex is hot, the lust hotter and the jealousy scathing in this tale of personal evolution where everyone has a stake in who ends up sleeping with whom.
The titles A LITTLE INDULGENCE and A LITTLE IN DANGER are both based in the BDSM subworld of DDLG and although there are some similarities, there are many differences that make DDLG very distinctly different. Let’s dive into this mystical world of glitter and unicorns and see if we can answer all your burning questions. This acronym stands for Daddy Dom little girl, and no, not a biological parent role! DDLG is a dynamic between two consensual adults, regardless of whether sex is part of the dynamic or not.
This is where it starts to get a tiny bit more complicated, because some relationships are sexual, but some are not; some relationships involve age play; others involve age regression. To understand either of these concepts more fully please follow the hyperlinks and don’t worry if the more you search for answers the more confusing the answers become. Even lifestylers of BDSM and DDLG disagree on whether age play is pretending or if even related to being little as most litles feel like they are channeling their inner child; and the more often they do so, the easier the practice becomes; until the slide between adult and little-space happens in the blink of an eye.
WHAT IS A LITTLE?
First off, little refers to a submissive personality type, who typically has some childlike (or tween, or teen) behaviors and mannerisms. Littles can be male or female, young, or old. I typically use the pronoun she because I reference of my own experiences. They are found in all walks of life, the woman you see jogging on your way into work; the cashier at the corner pharmacy; the banker, police officer, or even president of the company where you work. A little may like bubblegum, pastel dresses, and still be drawn to cartoons. She might enjoy being called baby, or princess, or little one. She might also be at the far end of the spectrum and have a closet full of black everything, from the most delicate camisole to the heavy soles of a pair of combat boots.
Perhaps you can admit you’ve been aware for a while that you were wired slightly differently than your peers. Labels like immature, needy, childish, sensitive, naïve, careless, klutzy, and ditzy seem to be thrown at Littles like those qualities are a negatives. I am here to assure you, that you would thrive in a DDLG relationship. There are two types of Daddy Dom little girl relationships. The first type is Caregiver. A Caregiver-little relationship is non-sexual and completely platonic. The second type is sexual between the Daddy Dom and little. For purposes of this article I am going to solely focus on a sexual DDLG relationship, which has two distinct parts. The playful parts and the sexy parts.
Littles may or may not submit in a traditional sense. Typically littles are passive and/or fragile/needy by nature; sometimes whiny or bratty; sometimes difficult to control, and that is what makes the role of Daddy so important. In DDLG, the little behaves(obeys) rather than solely submits to. Her acquiescence to rules is based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.
What is a Daddy?
Typically in the DDLG relationship, the Daddy is a Daddy Dom, a variation of a more traditional BDSM dominant role. I often refer to Daddy Doms as the kinder, gentler version of a Dom, but this is not fact, merely based on my own experiences. The Daddy Dom will see his sub as little and view his role as keeper, guide, mentor, caretaker, chief spoiler and will have certain expectations of his charge/sexual partner based on the type of relationship hi little desires. In DDLG, the little submits but her submission in based on meeting her desires, her needs, and her well-being first and foremost; only after are the Daddy Doms wants and needs met.
Daddy’s are not cookie-cutter variety although they have many similarities. They nurture by nature, as if they are genetically wired to prefer caring, sheltering, mentoring and indulging to discipline. They may lay down many rules or few. Again, the relationship is based on the little’s needs and most know and accept that their littles can be very demanding, so patience, understanding, and compassion are the type of personality traits required.
Most littles will ask to be supervised, managed, and disciplined. There might or might not be elements of BDSM beyond the typical disciplines, which would be discussed and agreed to during the negotiation process. The only note here I would add is that most littles need built up, not torn down. Most littles are fragile and often recovering from years of self-esteem issues and many have suffered neglect, if not outright abuse and are recovering. All kink activities will fall under the list of hard and soft limits. Hardcore BDSM techniques such as degradation or humiliation are typically not present.
What is DDLG Playtime?
First, make a list of activities you love to do and do well. Drawing, painting, coloring, singing, dancing, running, even going to the gym could become the support system your little needs. The goal is to give yourself permission to spoil yourself with “It’s All About Me Time!” These are all opportunities to coax out your younger more playful self. You will discover as you delve deeper in the lifestyle that some days are much harder to draw out your little than others. Adult worries: bills, school/work expectations, obligations. Also for mommy’s and daddy’s that are also trying to be little with their partner as well as parent may find the task daunting. The trick is to relax and try to let play flow naturally. If you find this part especially difficult, the difficulty may lay in embarrassment or a deeper seated issue that you may need to mentally work through. However, if it is just the adult thoughts on your mind are making it hard to escape. Remember that your brain is a muscle and it can be trained to respond when you are ready to seek out little-space.
I’m fairly certain your chosen Daddy is more than willing to help you explore and define your Playtime Little Identity. Try a bubble bath. The key is for your partner to remain clothed. He can help you bathe, wash your hair, laugh at your bubble beards… Try coloring and watching cartoons….
Let’s talk about Foreplay:
Noooooooo…. not a quick lickity lick cunnilingus.
Ohhh, no no, no, not sex toys.
Though both may happen later… I’m talking about the little time warmup, which may vary but typically littles and middles prefer a little fun with their romp in the sack. And here, a meme will illustrate nicely just what I’m talking about:
So, yes, real fun… not cuffs and collars, nor spankings or pinchings… though again, both may come later.
Food in bed, although keep in mind food fights are messy and someone is gonna have to clean the mess up and depending on who instigated… js.
Ditto slime, silly string, and body paint.
Bubblebaths with toys, which somehow become more sexual when a playful Daddy Dom joins in.
Naked Hide and Seek
Naked Board Game Play with Challenges and Consequences
Building a pillow or blanket fort
The list of scenarios is endless and any type of play may find its way into the foreplay… and lead to more traditional foreplay, cuddles, tickles, blowjobs and cunnilingus, and sex. The sweetness or roughness of the main course sex will vary by mood and couple…
INSERT SEXY TIME HERE…
I think you’ve got this…just do it
Now, the Warm Down:
Aftercare isn’t just for the rougher sides of BDSM play, and doesn’t only apply for when the sex turns rough. Always take the time to cuddle, spoon, kiss, and hug while the heart rate and breathing returns to normal. Gentle conversations that include affirmations of pride and love… Rehydration with water or juice.
Some couple put together an aftercare kit, which might include any or none of the following, because only you know the components of your dynamic and most lists offer generalities:
Vitamin E Oil or Lotion for massage in a scent she finds relaxing (For some that might mean Lavendar or Rose, but for others Almond or Coconut, and some Patchouli or Myrrh)
Baby Wipes or Summers Eve Wipes for quick clean up
Bandaids, Antiseptic Wipes or Creams, Pain Relieving Creams, Pain or Regular Medications
Comfort Items: Special Snuggly Pajamas, Socks, Sleep Mask, a super soft Blanket or preferred Stuffed Animal, Pacifier or Sippy Cup
If you didn’t partake in a bubble bath before, now might be the perfect time ….
The important thing to remember is that it is your relationship dynamics that make you and your lover’s sex life meaningful and incredible.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my new DDLG Romance Series Line: A Little Bedtime Story… Books One to Four also connect to the Van Zant Sibling Series, introducing the brothers Julian and Liam.
Many Daddies will continue to us playful names baby, babygirl, little one, sweetheart, bunny, kitten, princess..ect. Many littles will continue to call their partners Daddy, but some may revert to Sir. Anatomical parts will sometimes fall under the umbrella term princess parts or Daddy parts, and activities will have cutesy or kawaii labels.
Just like discovering you and your Daddy’s dynamic can only be defined by the activities that your inner little will enjoy and no two play identities are exactly the same, ditto that times a hundred when it comes to defining your Sexual Little identity. Most important, give yourself permission to explore this part of you thoroughly. Thankfully, you have entered into a fairly well structured world and the BDSM world is a huge place indeed, but don’t worry, those who have come before you have left behind the tools of the lifestyle.
First up, the DDLG Scene Negotiation Form. On this form you will clarify whether your little is a princess, or bratty, or subbie. You might be some combination of all three that may evolve as you get more comfortable with your role. Most DDLG relationships have some form of BDSM play, even if in its most mild form like affirmation writing, called “Lines” and considered a punishment or a growth tool. You might prefer to initially go through the list of choices alone and then review with your Daddy or you may want to go through and check activities together. Basically you are telling your new partner what activities you will or will not be willing to participate in, these will be called your “hard” and “soft limits.”
You will also establish a safe word with your partner. I prefer a traffic light system. Green means you feel safe and secure, Yellow means you are nervous and possibly afraid, letting your partner know to proceed with caution, maybe even take a time out to talk about the activity to determine what part of what you are participating in is making you nervous; Red means everything stops because you are at your limit, and that can be mentally, physically, or emotionally.