TOPIC: NOURISHING YOUR LITTLE/BIG IDENTITY
Having trouble finding your little/Daddy persona wherever and whenever you can?
I completely understand!q I also have three decades to learn that there are crests and valleys that make the journey to true self all the more precious.
One tip is creating a daily space for you to be “you” whether that is your little or your Big. I know littles whose sanctuary is found alone, in the tub behind closed doors every night. Bubblebath, Tub crayons, body paints, toys are kept hidden and locked away the rest of the day…
Another has stacks of adult coloring books and crayons so that her little can surface multiple times a day (15 minutes here or there, she says keeps her sane and her little alive)
I have many daily coping “little mechanisms” but by far my most cherished is the sanctuary/pleasure I find in World of Warcraft.I created a specific avatar in World of Warcraft that is a way for me to escape my adult responsibilities when I’m completely overwhelmed.
Since I’m little, not Big I only know what I’ve experienced…
Daddies who have their Daddy caves/dens/home office and embrace their Daddy Super Power behind their desks or in their special “Daddies Chair”. The secret place littles see peeks into but never invades to keep the Daddy power Mystic firmly in place (and allows for shaking hands or knees if summoned to Daddy/Sir’s space for reprimand)…
Or maybe you are the type Daddy most at home in the garage, head tucked under a raised hood, hands busy. A sternly voiced command from Big within the cooler garage can instill just as many butterflies in the little tummy…
Or you might be the type Big who is a true nurturer and finds solace in the kitchen making fun snacks and healthy meals (you fully know the magic power freshly baked, warm from the oven ooey-gooey cookies have to reduce your little to blushes and giggles…
Whether you are living the 24/7 dream lifestyle or fit your little/Big into a few hours here and there, you are amazing! Keep doing you!
Mleet my little avatar.. Bippity. Here with her pet undead monkey pirate and her cranky cradle. Her protector demon Blue and Daddy Baphamet are out of camera range…
Given the task of saving humanity and stolen from the men who love her, Alexandra alone must save the world.
Geneticist, Alexandra Van Zant has married her childhood friend, Gabe, but facing a high-risk pregnancy off the medications that control her manic depression, decides only her partner Conor will be able to keep her in subspace and help her to learn to control her mind and see her pregnancy continue as long as possible. So her romantic honeymoon with Gabe is relinquished to Conor. His sole intent to train her to be his perfect slave. Will their efforts be enough to save the unborn twins?
When an attack meant to kill her men and daughter, the ménage à quatre flees, determined to remain off the grid until the mad man can be captured. In Paris, the city of love, Conor takes Alexandra’s mind into a deeper submission than either Gabe or Jonathon are comfortable. Will the marriage and ménage survive Alexandra submitting fully to Conor’s control?
As weeks turn to months of Alexandra solely focused on Conor, Gabe and Jonathon’s love and faith in the ménage à quatre’s strength to survive keep them going. Neither have forgotten the power and danger the foe determined to find and use Alexandra represents, but when he reveals the final trick up his sleep no one sees it coming. Leaving the only question that matters: Can Alexandra save the world?
The first book in the new series MASTERS OF BLACKSTONE!
Submissive’s Journey is about Julia, human trafficking and sex slave survivor; and Everett, the hot Dom who has helped retrain many abused and damaged submissives and find them dominants who are safe, sane, and consensual. Obsessed with Julia, he wants to help her heal and keep her for himself, but will she ever be ready for D/s again? Add in the danger of the organization of the organization hunting her and this is one you won’t want to put down!
Basically offering many of my novels at a lot of locations not solely Amazon… All of my novels will be available at Amazon, but some will soon be at Barnes and Noble, GooglePlay, Kobo, Scribd, and others… if you don’t see me where you normally shop, please message me letting me know where because I want my stories to be accessible.
What does that mean for my Kindle Unlimited Readers?
Kindle Unlimited is a ninety-day agreement to be exclusive with Amazon. And every new release will be offered as KU first. So if you read KU exclusively, make sure to sign up to my Newsletter to get notifications for all new releases as soon as possible!
What About My Print Readers?
For now, I will be offering print through Amazon only. Unless you want a signed copy and those come directly from me and can be ordered through my email address firstname.lastname@example.org or via any FB or MeWe messages. I use PayPal exclusively for Autographed copies.
Sisters prove the ties of their heart can withstand the test of rope.
When Alexandra’s sister calls her fiancé in the middle of the night frantically in need of a Shibari Master, Alexandra learns yet another secret about Gabe and falls headfirst into his kinky past. Not realizing the emotional turmoil she is about to propel herself into, Alexandra insists Gabe be Jessica’s rigger since he learned Shibari from Jessica’s husband and has bound Jessica in the past.
Gabe isn’t thrilled with Alexandra’s plan, since his and Jessica’s shared secrets go farther back than anyone realizes. Knowing it’s about to get real, he brings in a back-up rope master, Francisco Emanuel to top Jessica. With Alexandra’s high-risk pregnancy and bipolar disorder leaving her teetering closer and closer to the abyss, he fears wrapping her sister in his rope may be the last straw.
Alexandra has her own ideas, demanding Gabe not only use the opportunity to share his love of Shibari with her but demands he dominate her as well. Will their relationship implode as secret after secret comes out? Or is their ménage too tightly bound for anyone to fall?
SERIES INFORMATION: VAN ZANT SIBLINGS 6 – Alexandra Book Four
This 2018 Edition has been revised and expanded, previously released in 2016
For the adult who identifies as Little, but is between Caregivers, or whose Daddy Dom abandoned them … or for the Little in a LDR… or the Little whose Daddy/Mommy Dom/me travels extensively…
Being Little is sometimes hard!
Regression may seem like a far off dream…
But take heart, because I believe in you! You’ve got this!
How to Little when Home Alone (Tips for the Unsupervised!)
Eat dinner in the bathtub; remember, you are a prince/cess
Dance naked or covered in glitter or covered in body paint cause no one is looking! Really! You really can do what you want! Umm, you also have to clean up the mess, so keep that in mind when going crazy… or just totally do your thing, make a mess, and deal with the consequences tomorrow, or next week, or whenever…
How to Make Decisions When Little With No One To Help
If this is a Legal thing -call a lawyer (many do consults on the cheap or free if they think they can get a settlement)
If this is a Medical thing, get a doctor’s opinion and a second/third/fourth opinion if needed…
If this is a Safety Issue – Find the Adult in Charge: Landlord, Grounds Maintenance, Police Officer
If this is a Mechanical Difficulties Thing: Call the Fix-It Guy whether IT, plumbing, electrical, automotive service
Okay, okay, I hear you, you are flat broke and all of the above cost money, but you are also cute as a button and everyone knows somebody who is a Fix-it guy especially the neighborhood car-guy, electrical-guy, heat and air-guy etc … work those favors and I hope you make amazing chocolate chip cookies…when I was a single little, I made a lot of cookies in trade for oil changes and other services…
Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe is a legit little system for choosing…
Coin tosses work.
If all else fails CRY! Never underestimate the power of tears. Tears are healing, cleansing, fresh-start making drops of power!
If Crying fails, SCREAM, big, huge, primal energy, soul rebirthing screams can make even the hardest adulting thing you face bearable.
Visit the animal shelter…volunteer to be a cat holder, dog walker, etc…
Send $2 to the non-profit of your choice, make sure they have your phone number! (This is important) Be available for many and often calls from unknown phone callers…these people want your money, you know how to talk and be adorable and are very good at asking why to keep the conversation going… This really does work.
Have work Insurance that provides Healthy Lifestyle Coaches? Get registered! Set tiny goals you can meet and weekly motivational calls…these people will call you at designated times and they WANT TO HEAR about how you are feeling!
You are still seriously lonely?
Meet-ups are great for finding people who are into what you are into!
Check for local Meetings like Book-clubs at neighborhood bookstores and libraries too!
Okay, this one is a hit or miss, but you figure, everyone is a little lonely…call a random number and ask for Joe or JoAnne (Choose sex based on who answers matching male to boy name etc) they will tell you that you have a wrong number. You will try again…and again…on the third call, you can say: “My name’s x, do you feel like chatting about random stuff for awhile?” … do not get mad if they say ‘No’ and hang up on you, be tenacious and call another number… Eventually you will find someone as bored and lonely as you are… safety is important so never ever reveal personal info like addresses or where you go to school or work. But even when a miss or two, you’re going to connect with a human and sometimes that’s all it takes…
At the End of the Day, Remember You Are Important!
Never, ever discount your own feelings.
Always love yourself!
Before cutting, or swallowing pills, or drinking too much reach out to a friend who knows you are a struggling little and see if they have time to chat, meet for coffee, or lunch, or a movie…
Sometimes self-care requires a reminder APP…
check your play store for the appropriate one for you. I have a few myself to help me remember to:
Take my medications ontime
Track my calories
Track my exercise, menstrual cycle, blood-pressure, moods
Facts are facts and teenagers mature sexually at an age younger than 18, which defines adult status set by law in the USA. For this reason some teenagers find themselves at odds with that which is acceptable and are angry when turned away by law-abiding DDLG Group. A worse scenario is their attempt to sneak into a law-abiding DDLG group or asking the owner or appointed admin of such a group to break the rules this one time. When in doubt, using a legal ID is appropriate to allow or block entry is appropriate and responsible adult behavior.
Roxy Harte discourages the participation or acceptance of any teenager in groups populated by adults or designated as for adults only as it only leads to a muddying of the terminology and opens adult DDLG groups to attack by outsiders.
That said, teenagers do need spaces where they can be accepted for their identity, which should never allow admittance of any adult including the ownership or management of such a group. A non-sexual underage role-playing group owned, operated, and populated by teens 17 years old and under is the only acceptable solution.
All articles, essays, and novels written by Roxy Harte are intended for a mature audience over the age of legal adult status in the country of origin and/or country distributed to.
For many Littles age regression is a coping mechanism, a way to deal with a too stressful job or overly demanding boss. A way to step away from the chaos of being an adult for awhile, providing a safe haven for their mind to recharge and regroup.
A pacifier may help a little break many types of bad habits, replacing nail biting, chewing on their hair, smoking, or using chewing gum or candies… it may also be the answer to nighttime teeth grinding, though for sleep a dental guard is a better option.
For an overly anxious or empathic little, replacing the nightly news with cartoons, Disney, Pixar, or Anime, maybe the perfect solution to unwinding without increasing their worries.
Online or offline game play, like World of Warcraft, Diablo, Minecraft, Age of Empires, or Call of Duty can play a huge role when life seems to be moving too fast or to keep an overactive mind from obsessing over what might happen.
A large stuffie can serve as a warm body substitute at naptime, or nighttime, if the little is in a LDR or if the caregiver travels a lot. A purse-size stuffie can serve to provide the little that has to travel a little extra security on flights or as a focus to escape a panic attack.
Advice to Daddy/Mommy Dom/me For the Little who sometimes struggles with regression:
Stay in Daddy Dom mode for them and hold space for them to join you there by using playful nicknames or using ‘little one’, ‘baby girl/boy’…
Take time for play and general silliness
Play games, do puzzles, or color with them
Even a nature hike can be a Daddy/Mommy Dom/me little activity… enjoy nature through the joyous, rose-colored glasses of a little.
Help them dress/undress
Run all baths/start all showers to check the temperature. Add the bubblebath or measure the bath salts, even if you ‘let them’ or ‘help them’ pour it into the water. Assist them into and out of the tub/shower, reminding them to be careful so they don’t slip. Watch them bathe, or help them wash. Washing their hair and rinsing it is a n especially rewarding practice for both.
Brush and Style their hair into ponytails, braids, etc…
Help them at mealtime by cutting up their food and/or feeding them bites. In a restaurant, offer bites from your plate to be less conspicuous. Also in a restaurant, order for them, if possible from the child’s menu
Offer to hold their hand when crossing the street
Always open the car door and insist on helping them get into the car, buckle their seat-belt and close the door.
When getting out of the car, remind them to wait on you for your help because they are too little to get out of the car by themselves. Walk around the vehicle, maintaining eye contact through the windows, open the door, unlatch their belt, offer a hand to assist them from the vehicle and close/lock the door then hold their hand until they are safely on the sidewalk or across the street etc.
Remember that crowded stores can turn grocery or clothing shopping into a nightmare for a little prone to anxiety. Hold hands and use reassurances, like ‘You are safe with me’, ‘I’m so proud of you for being so brave’, ‘Only a little while longer, we’re almost done,’ can make all the difference. If a shopping trip has to be cut short, don’t make a big deal about it, your little one is stressed enough.
Let me start by saying that the information on this page is based on my experiences and by no means a complete list of all the ways the dynamics I am about to cover can be expressed. This information is intended only as a starting point of discovery or affirmation.
Tackling Confusion and Predjudice
In the realm of ABDL and DDLG there is a lot of confusion and prejudice still linked to the lifestyle choices of those who partake in the subcultures of BDSM known as ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl). Even among longtime kinksters there are misconceptions and misunderstanding… for vanilla outsiders, the confusion can lead to hate and disgust. Making it hard for people who long to live the lifestyle to be themselves or even ask the questions that would help them figure out who they are and what they want in a relationship.
Not Necessarily BDSM but Can Be
Although DDLG can be a subset of the BDSM community, just as pet play or pony play, the greater difference is that littles and Daddies/Mommies are not pretending, or role-playing, but rather sharing an aspect of their personality. In the BDSM community age or role play for a single scene isn’t terribly unusual, but this type of scening is not DDLG because DDLG is not age play. For an adult who is little, little is their identity. It’s a mix of feelings and emotions, it’s a way of interacting with the world from their most innocent inner being. Elements of BDSM, including bondage, shibari, spanking, flogging, caning for enjoyment not punishment may or may not be present. Every DDLG relationship is different.
What is a Daddy/Mommy Dom?
Daddy/Mommy Dom/mes are a lot alike typical dominants in a BDSM relationship. They take charge of their little as a Master would their submissive; they enjoy being in control of the scene, however like for littles, the Daddies/Mommies aren’t roleplaying either. Being a caregiver/nurturer/mentor is an integral part of their personality.
The greatest difference between Daddy Doms and a Dominant seems to be their approaches, caregiver vs controller… both have rules they expect to be obeyed. But like their approach the rules have different purposes. A Daddy’s rules will reflect his and his littles goals for the little’s personal growth, may address an abusive or fatherless past, and may address a little’s worst personal habits. In many cases the little’s in their care have fallen onto one or more self-harm paths, including but not limited to cutting, eating disorders, addiction.
A Daddy/Mommy Dom/me protects first and foremost
A Daddy’s rules will reflect his and his littles goals for the little’s personal growth, may address an abusive or fatherless past, and may address a little’s worst personal habits. In many cases the little in their care may have fallen onto one or more self-harm paths, including but not limited to cutting, eating disorders, addiction.
Full time attention Giver
Not to be made light of…all spectrums of DDLG littles require much more attention, caring, nurturing, hand-holding them through life and confidence building on a daily basis than a typical relationship.
If you don’t have time or have very little time for a non-lifestyle committed relationship do not entertain the idea of taking on a little.
Daddy Dom vs Dom..Mommy Domme vs Domme
A lot like typical dominants in a BDSM relationship. They take charge of their little as a Master would their submissive; they enjoy being in control of the scene, however like littles, the Daddies/Mommies aren’t role-playing either. Being a caregiver/nurturer/mentor/protector/disciplinarian is an integral part of their personality.
What’s the difference between a Daddy/Mommy Dom and a Master/Mistress?
The greatest difference between Daddy Doms and a Dominant seems to be their approaches: Nurturing caregiver/mentor vs controller. Both Daddy Doms and traditional dominants have rules they expect to be obeyed.
Like BDSM, it is always a good practice to have a limit checklist and safe words in place.
Provide Mental/Physical/Spiritual support
Provide care for
Play partner, all types of play from online gaming, board games, playground time, hiking, rock climbing…any enjoyable activity that allows the little and Daddy/Mommy to bond and strengthen their roles.
Sexual Partner – A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship is generally also a sexual relationship, unless it is specified in the limits list that the relationship is a no-sexual one.
Enforce agreed upon rules of behavior and guidelines to provide structure to their littles day.
Provide multiple check-ins to inquire about day an provide task accountability whether phone calls, video chats, texts, etc.
A Daddy/Mommy Dom will typically base their care around what a little needs. For example a little with self-harm history or present issues will visually check skin for self-inflicted wounds or prepare, provide rules around meals going so far as to monitor calorie intake and be on the lookout for sudden weight gains or losses. An exercise program, chore list, or outline academic expectations/workplace goals. Provide emotional/physical support/follow-up around scheduled doctor or therapist appointments.
A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship may be part of a greater polyamorous relationship where the little may be a little/sub/pet for one r more other family members.
What is a Caregiver?
Typically provides guidelines, rules, structure, mentoring, discipline as agreed upon much like a Daddy/Mommy Dom would; however a CGL is a non-sexual relationship.