After discovering his husband was sleeping with his twin brother, museum curator Brian Van Zant’s faced with another shocking loss. Both men are killed in a car accident, leaving him no answers, no closure. No chance to say, “I hate you,” or “I love you,” and not sure which he’d have said if given the chance. Now, months later, Brian still hasn’t put his life back together.
Without a plan or a destination, only knowing he can’t face his lonely present until he frees himself from the past and starts over somewhere else, he runs away.
Tobias Red Hawk is a Park Ranger in Montana, where being out of the closet still seems like a dream. After saving the life of blatantly gay and thoroughly attractive Brian, he begins to question his conviction of staying secretly gay. But before he can face his own identity crisis, there is a mystery to be solved at the top of the Bitterroot mountain range and the answers may lie in the myths of his childhood.
When Hawk’s past returns to kill him, both men discover there’s nothing like facing death up close to make a man find his survival instinct.
Author’s Note: 54K words, MM, BDSM, prev pub Loose-Id, Now available in ebook and print
DISCLAIMER: This information concerns the Adult Lifestyles ABDL and DDLG and does not in any way, shape, or form refer to or apply to actual children. Please do not ever compare adult lifestylers to actual pedophiles who are sick, twisted individuals.
Let me start by saying that the information on this page is based on my experiences and by no means a complete list of all the ways that the dynamics I am about to cover can be expressed. This information is intended only as a starting point of discovery or affirmation.
Wherever you fall in the ADBL-DDLG-BDSM spectrum, you are okay, you are valid and your choices, urges, needs are completely natural and nothing to be ashamed up. If you have come up against prejudices, disgust, fear, judgement, hate… I’m sorry you had to experience those things… but there are safe spaces where you can express yourself fully… and there is great joy and empowerment in finally accepting and embracing who you are!
In the realm of ABDL and DDLG there is a lot of confusion and prejudice still linked to the lifestyle choices of those who partake in the subcultures of BDSM known as ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl). Even among longtime kinksters there are misconceptions and misunderstanding… for vanilla outsiders, the confusion can lead to hate and disgust. Making it hard for people who long to live the lifestyle to be themselves or even ask the questions that would help them figure out who they are and what they want in a relationship.
If you have urges to regress, or feel like you’ve never really been fully adult, that being an adult is actually the role you’ve been forced to play, but that is a lie, because you are clearly ill-equipped emotionally to adult… never fear, there is a place for you where you can be yourself and find the love and validation you’ve longed for.
Let’s start with the basics… Most littles can identify what age group their inner little fits into:
ABDL- Baby – the youngest age-regression, typically infant-toddler
Baby Girl/Baby Boy – regression to approx 3-5 yrs old
Little – regression to approx 6-10
Middles – regression to typical tweens to early teens
Brat -regression to mid to older teen that is especially hard to manage: jokester/prankster, sassy or playfully, sarcastic, authority challenger, disrespectful
Lolita – identity linked closely to fashion
So let’s break it down…
What is an Adult Baby, Diaper Lover? And what does the relationship look like when someone says they are into this lifestyle?
Attributes of their behavior might include:
Non-verbal, communicating with happy or sad sounds not words
For the most part, the adult baby is free to express themselves as an infant.Bottles
Thumb or Pacifier Sucking
Bed wetting/Diaper wearer
Range of motion restriction ie diaper-type spreader with wrist restraints
Enjoys being held, carried, and cared for completely. ABDL can cuddle for hours.
Watching cartoons is a favorite escape for many.
Naptimes are more requirement than luxury for them to function well.
Baby Girl – Baby Boy
A Baby Girl/Boy is an adult who behaves like an older baby who may still crave a paci or sippy cup but has mastered going potty and no longer requires a diaper but is still pre-school.
Behaviors probably include:
Non-verbal under stress/Baby-talk other times
Attachment to Stuffie
Sippy cup use
Cute dresses, lacy socks, and Mary Janes as selected by nurturer
Amenable to a large extent, exhibiting tantrums when unhappy
Non-logical and sometimes unreasonable
Rules are required but should be negotiated while both nurturer and regressor are in adult mind-space
What is a Little?
A little is an adult who behaves in the role of a child at a certain age, and there can be different ages from older toddler to younger child. Typically less than 7 or 8 years old.
A little typically adapts to their circumstance, at home alone, or with their Daddy and close, trusted friends, they can be at their littlest. At work most littles act their age or manage to find jobs that support their personality. During a single day many littles float somewhere between the spectrum of their two personality types…
Preferred behaviors might include:
Sippy cup use
Cute dresses, lacy socks, and Mary Janes
Any pastel clothing that reflects their younger persona, including but not limited to T’s, hoodies, and accessories with cartoon characters…
however there are also Goth/Creepy Littles who prefer black clothing and a decidedly darker vibe and that’s okay!
Likes to play be it coloring, gaming, or sports… littles like to be entertained and can be very needy of attention.
Many littles suffer high anxiety and fear of rejection. Sadly, most have experienced more than their fair share of abandonment, rejection, and judgement. Low Self-esteem is a common trait.
Difficulty managing emotions. Self-harm is a common symptom
For this reason rules determining self-care are a must.
What is a Middle
There are also older adult littles who identify as tweens or teens and are typically referred to as Middles. In DDLG, unlike BDSM a Middle personality is not shunned, ridiculed or punished for this endearing and maddening personality trait…both middles and brats are inherently mischievous, and often challenge the rules if not going so far as to break them in hopes of rattling their Doms or earning playful punishment.
Few go so far as to be so disobedient as to earn true punishment and therein lies the problem for a straight BDSM dominant who does not like this type of submissive. Most Middles struggle under a hardcore dominant and the relationship is doomed to fail, or worse, the dominant succeeds in breaking their playful spirit.
Fun-loving, playful, mischievous
Can be occasional tricksters, pranksters, jokesters
Rarely misbehaves on purpose
Quick to regret
Bubble-blower Gum smacker
What is a Brat?
An Adult Brat has been shunned by the typical BDSM community as being a fake or non-submissive; however in the DDLG community a Brat identity is not shunned, ridiculed or punished for this endearing and maddening personality trait…
Both middles and brats are inherently mischievous, and often challenge the rules in hopes of rattling their Doms or earning playful punishment. However a true Brat almost always challenges the Dom/mes authority in an effort to be forced to submit. Requires a strong Daddy/Mommy Dom/me with extreme patience skills.
Usually are purposefully sassy/sarcastic, disrespectful/disobedient to earn true punishment and therein lies the problem for a straight BDSM dominant who does not like this type of submissive. All brats will struggle under a hardcore dominant and the relationship is doomed to fail, or worse, the dominant succeeds in breaking their spirit.
Fun-loving, playful, mischievous
Sassy/Sarcastic, often Inappropriate Language in Most Settings
Tricksters, pranksters, jokesters
Misbehaves on purpose
Slow to regret
Multiple annoying habits
Enjoys poking the bear and pushing buttons
Loves to cause trouble and misdirect fault to cause others grief
This regressive personality elevates Needy to an almost unattainable level so that the caregiver is always forced to prove their love. At times it will seem the Brat will force the Dom/me to choose them over another responsibility.
Almost always exhibits some form of self-harm, whether refusing to eat/eating too much,refusing to take medications, smoking, drinking, abusing drugs, putting themselves in dangerous situations that require rescue, cutting, refusing excercise/excercise extremes.
What is a Lolita?
Lolita’s may or may not also embrace the ABDL or DDLG Lifestyle. So do not assume.
A Lolita in the DDLG Lifestyle’s identity is closely linked to the Fashion made popular in Japan and resembles many anime characters.
Identity molded by fashion
Addiction to Kuwaii (cute) collectables
Typically enjoys anime specifically
Sets high standards of behavior and strict rules on self, needs a caregiver who will insist on taking out time for fun
Sets high priority on appearance and will need extra time to prepare hair, make-up and clothing for their day. For this reason they are seen as most high maintenance of the DDLG Spectrum
Craves attention, actress/exhibitionist…the world is their stage
Costly habits: Manicures, pedicures, wigs, false eyelashes, colored contacts, shoes and matching handbags or backpacks
On the fashionable streets of Japan, women and girls of all ages dress in mid-list couture dresses adorned with frills, lace, and intricately patterned fabric. The baby-doll dresses end in sea ofruffles just above the knees, and giant bows pin their long hair into place. Fans of this style of dress are popping up around the globe.
Types of Lolita’s Include: Classic, Country, Gothic, Mourning, Old School, Pirate, Punk, Shiro (white), Sweet
Koko, the character in my A Little Bedtime Story series, is both little and Lolita.
Working on getting all of my books online, following the closure of Loose-Id, Samhain, and Ellora’s Cave. Damn, it’s been a hard year! and left me with 33 novels without a publishing house. So, I am publishing them all myself…
All three of Koko’s current books in the A Little Bedtime Story/Van Zant Siblings-Julian and Liam series crossover are now available:
Koko is a Lolita J-Pop mega star, facing a Eurasian Tour after the death of her guardian. Mentally, physically, and emotionally not ready to face a grueling road trip, her doctors insist she renege on her professional obligations, but an attempt to delay the tour results in threats from her record label’s owner.
Julian Van Zant is an aging rock star who had one great experience in his life that outshone all others: an age-play relationship with a woman named Angélique. However, she fled for a normal vanilla life.
A chance encounter with a woman he knows only by reputation leaves him worried about her safety. When she offers him the chance of a lifetime to be both her travel companion and Daddy, it seems like he’s finally been given a second chance.
Will Koko’s learning that Julian and his brother Liam are a package deal ruin everything? And will once burned and far less-forgiving Liam be willing to risk his heart to the little who has the power to rip him to shreds?
Author’s Note: Although the protagonist, Koko, is well beyond the age of consent, she presents part time as a “little”; that is, she acts like a young girl. The sex in this series takes place between consenting adults, but those with a history of childhood sexual abuse or incest may find this triggering.
FIVE STAR REVIEW by Gabrielle Sally of Romance Reviews!
Apr 13, 2018 [ OFFICIAL REVIEW ]
Familiar with the parable of the “Prodigal Son,” seeing the title of Roxy Harte’s PRODIGAL SLAVE, I was instantly intrigued and knew I wanted to read it. Add in that this story takes place twenty years later, and there’s a much younger man involved, and my fingers commenced to tapping on the screen as the pages flipped by.
Reading this story, I almost feel as though I’m in Charlotte’s head. Her thoughts, insecurities, questioning are all very real and very typical of a divorcee in her forties with children. The idea of returning to a life she walked away from in order to have children, the seeming expectation that things wouldn’t have changed despite the amount of time long past, and the grappling that comes with the realization that our bodies have changed and we are no longer blessed with the vigors of youth.
Ms. Harte sets an unhurried pace to the story, which I found slow going at times but after having finished the story and gone back to re-read some parts, I understand why it was necessary and it works.
This story has a bit of everything. There’s the love story, redemption and second chances, bit of kink (BDSM), and relations involving two men (one much younger) and a woman. What’s not to like?
I will conclude by saying that there aren’t enough well-written stories with older female characters. Women in their forties and fifties (and beyond) still lead very vivacious and scintillating lives, yet authors (and many readers) seem insistent on sticking to late teens and early twenties. All that said, Ms. Harte’s story is all that and more. So if you love that your female (and male) characters are older and still as vibrant and sexy, then grab a copy of PRODIGAL SLAVE.
Available in ebook and print: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CDDNZ9R
Okay, so you’ve decided you definitely want to try out or dive deeper into the DDLG Lifestyle…
For those of you uninitiated into this particular BDSM subset: DDLG stands for Daddy Dom Little Girl (Substitute Mommy or Caregiver, and Little Boy for multiple variations on the theme) You may find this article of interest: Understanding DDLG Relationships)
*As always I use male gender pronouns for Daddy and female for little because that is representative of my current dynamic.
You may be wondering just how to be your beautiful little self in public, or when you know you will be around people who have no idea you are in the lifestyle, or are totally clueless DDLG exists, and you don’t want to clue them in…
(Think grandma, your boss, your clergy, the lady at the checkout counter wondering if you are a pedophile)
You may be worried about accidentally regressing in a public place and need to have ways to blend in so as not to be obvious (I understand the concern. For me a PTSD Trigger or Random Panic Attack, or Garden Variety Anxiety kicks in and I’m suddenly clinging to an alternate reality and feel like I have one foot in both worlds.) Have a game plan in your mind for if the worst happens, how you can escape the situation until you are ready to deal with it.
If either of these headspaces Curious to Explore or Worried About Being Outed, feels authentic to you, it might be time to explore a few easy to incorporate practices that will subtly allow you to be little in public places that can become easier with time. Remember, start small, don’t panic, remember to breathe… and own your identity with pride (even if you’re being covert about it)
Keep in mind, everything from here on is merely suggestions or inspiration to be personalized by you based on your little-age and relationship status. If you are a single little, maybe seek out a community friendly caregiver to take you out or even a very close friend to be your accomplice.
Subtle Ways to be in Little Space and not clue in the world…
Getting ready to go out is hard! Daddy can help choose the outfit,
put on your shoes, and fix your hair. Of course you will probably try Daddy’s patience by dragging your feet and/or waiting until the last minute… and if Daddy doesn’t remind you to potty before you leave the house, he can’t get too angry when you immediately have to stop somewhere to potty. JS.
Always hold Daddy’s hand. If daddy forgets about hand holding, he can’t be surprised when bright and shiny, or yummy sweets distract you from whatever boring thing he is looking at and you walk away…
Ask for help opening and closing containers
Wait for help opening all doors, including car and store doors
Wait for Daddy to buckle your seatbelt, or remind you to do it
Singing, humming, carefree playing. Run, jump, skip, don’t step on any cracks…
Running normal errands and grocery store runs? Leave time for the toy section, book section, candy section, ice cream section.
Ask Daddy to order for you
Order off of the Kid’s Menu
Order off the regular menu but order Kid Friendly items like french fries or tater tots
Order a kid friendly drink: milk, juice, Hi-C, or a milkshake
Find yourself at a dinner party? Appetizers and Snacks Tables offer finger foods easily imagined as Little Offerings! (I’ve been known to only eat grapes and pretzels because I’m “finicky” …technically I’m not, but it’s an easy sell.)
Always be on the lookout for an Ice Cream or Frozen Yogurt Shop!
Always have quarters ready for the bubblegum machine! Or Daddy better have some spares!
Pull-ups under clothing
Onesie worn under clothing
T-shirts with animated characters: I have a few really old Sesame Street T-shirts featuring Big Bird and Cookie Monster, one from the World of Pooh, cause Eeyore (Vintage is in)
T-shirts from the Gaming World… anything from Mario and Tetra to World of Warcraft and Call of Duty Works (Gaming is cool)
Hoodies, Winter Hats, and Summer Ball Caps with Ears (I have every season covered)
Furry or Elf Ears (Not just for Renfairs or Conventions)
Plush anything (Tactile is everything, think soft, cuddly, warm)
Cute socks (these run the gamut from knee socks, cute cartoon characters to lacy anklets)
Always choose colors that make you feel younger…that may be pastels, or rainbow bright, or glittery, or varying shades of black. This is you claiming your version of little and it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version of little because You Do You best always!
Look for reasons to wear your Kigurumi anywhere and everywhere… Pub Crawls, 5-K races, Movie Premiere’s etc
Backpacks instead of a purse (This is a plus because backpacks come in every style and color imaginable. Dig animation? There is a backpack for that — fav cartoon character, Disney princess, or anime hero? Furry details? Glittery? Black leather and studs?)
Tiny, tiny purses…shop the kids section of any department store, or order from a specialty shop online
Bring along a stuffy or doll. If you are in college, this is easy peasy…claim your emotional support stuffy is easier to manage than keeping alive a support animal. If you hang out in boardrooms, this might be harder, but still doable. I’ve kept a doll from a Happy Meal for years.
Ink Pens with fun ink colors!
Pens/Pencils with Fun Toppers! (Bonus: no one will walk away with your unique item)
Stickers on Everything Everywhere… cause stickers
Hair bows, Fun Headbands, and Clips
Bubbles … keep a small bottle of bubbles in your purse to leave a little happy floating on the air wherever you go
Glitter … glitter on your face and body, in your hair, on paths … sprinkling glitter lets like minds no you are in the area
Playing at a park
Coloring outside sidewalks with chalk
Find a Local Coloring Club (or start one to meet once a week at a library, community center, or bookstore, because adult coloring books are big business and everyone needs stress relief!)
Join a role playing or reenactment group
Join or Create a Young Adult Book Club and mix classics like the Harry Potter series, with newer releases (if this becomes your personal project you can personalize even more with reading prizes and games to amp up the fun!)
Monthly Fun Field Trip! Go with your significant other, or friends who don’t even have to know your lifestyle to do a monthly activities like attend a Disney movie premier, go to the zoo, aquarium, laser tag, putt-putt golf, or nature center)
Bicycling! Discover your local biking trails!
Little Day is all about you from beginning to end and should include fun food, fun outing, and fun small treat (even if its just a $1. kid toy from the Dollar Store)
Some of my readers have asked if Koko or the Little Bedtime Stories series will have future books and the answer is yes!!
I am writing a fourth book for Koko: A LITTLE TEMPTATION
I am introducing two new littles…
The first will appear in Koko’s 4th book and *spoiler* she is the temptation. The question is who will be tempted by this fireball? Koko? Julian? Or Liam? And, oh no, is the menage a troi at risk…
I’m pleading the fifth. I’m only comfortable with one spoiler per blog post… sorry.
I am writing a new little!
Josie, a budding country singer, is rising up the charts with her singin
g duo partner and fiance Stephan, but he is a lying, cheating horndog who is trying to destroy her reputation so he can keep climbing the charts solo. So is there any wonder why she has A LITTLE RAGE ISSUE? I wonder if there is a sexy cowboy available to help her regress and enjoy life as a little while protecting her from Stephan and encouraging her to pursue her secret passions?
Interested in learning more about the subgroup of BDSM known as DDLG – Daddy Dom Little Girl (or Mommy, or Little Boys)? I wrote this article: Understanding DDLG Relationships
He waits for me. He insisted I take the train instead of driving, even though driving would have taken less than an hour. It was to be a journey separating myself from all that I was in the moments before I checked my baggage and stepped onto the train.
I’m a wreck. I chew a fingernail nervously, knowing as the train stops that this is it. There’s no turning back now. I close my eyes. Thinking? Praying? Remembering? I wonder what in the hell I was thinking to board this train.
He stands at baggage waiting for me and as I cross to him I don’t give a second thought to the fact that God, security and dozens of passengers are watching as I fall to my knees in front of him, tears streaming over my cheeks, my forehead bowed against his thighs. His hand wraps in my hair, pulling me to my feet, his lips gracing my forehead, whispering the words I’ve dreamed for two decades, “You have pleased me greatly this night, Cassiopeia.”
In the car his hand caresses my knee as he drives me to his home, the home we’d once shared. My gut clenches as I remember the fully equipped dungeon hidden away in his basement. As if reading my mind his hand slides higher, cupping my tingling pussy, sending shivers and more up my spine. “Glad to be going home, love?”
“Home is in Glenview,” I answer softly.
“No.” His firm tone implies anger, though the look he gives me is soft, regret-filled. “Home was never there—with him—you belong to me. You always have and always will. Do you forget you wear my mark?”
My thoughts fly to a night twenty years ago when he branded my right ass cheek with his mark—a filigree heart. Heat flares there as it always does when I consider it. Once, I belonged to François Rene de Hart.
“No, I’ve never forgotten.” I whisper, afraid of my own voice, adding even more softly, “Master.”
His smile tells me he is pleased with my answer and he pats my knee before reaching up to untie the belt cinching closed my camel trench coat. Parting the cloth, he reveals scant velvet and indecent swells of flesh. Damn those twenty pounds and then some…more likely thirty by the figure revealed in the mirror before I’d fled my bedroom.
Self-conscious, I scan the dark horizon beyond the car window, pulling my lip between my teeth in an effort to hold back my tears.
“Look at me, Cassiopeia.”
Hesitantly, I meet his eyes.
“First, welcome home.”
My mouth makes an “O” as I realize we are going through the imposing iron gates.
“Second, you are no longer the young girl I lost. You have grown into an incredibly beautiful woman. And third—”
His pause brings my gaze back around to his as he parks in the garage, the door automatically lowering behind us. Gentle fingers trace my jawline and pull me forward into him for a painfully gentle, excruciatingly long, well-practiced kiss. When he finally releases my lips, I barely manage to croak, “Third?”
“You will now be punished for running away.”
His answer is as short and abrupt as his exit from the car. Before I realize what he said, he is beside my door, opening it and helping me out, placing a firm hand on my elbow in case I harbor plans for escape.
Oh, hell. My mind races, my palms and armpits suddenly leaking buckets. Nervous chatter fills the air—me rambling. Arguments. “I don’t deserve this. I came running when you summoned me, didn’t I?” and “This was your fault. You knew my biological clock was ticking,” and the true moment of desperation, “Everyone has to grow up sooner or later. It was time for me to grow up and give up silly games.”
The last stopped him cold. We’d made it all the way to the final basement stair. He demands coldly, “Silly games?”
I stumble back a step.
His face, hidden in shadow, seems suddenly even more sinister with age than I’d remembered. It is the look he had once used to instill instant fear, but I am a mature woman now, intent on standing firm. It is all a game and to pretend otherwise is insanity. Twenty years has made me too old for games. I should have stayed in my safe, quiet neighborhood. But then, here I am, toe-to-toe and eye–to-eye with the man who’s filled the starring role in every fantasy I’ve invented over those same years. Frankie. My Frankie. My Master. The one man in my life who’d never harmed me—not mentally, physically or emotionally.
So why am I suddenly shaking in my four-inch heels? It was never a game. It was our life together. My mind flies back to the first time he led me down this same staircase.
“I’m afraid,” I whisper—same words, same trembling voice as then. “I don’t want any pain.”
Master’s face softens and I know he is remembering also.
“I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do—anything you don’t need me to do.”
It is an echo, almost word for word, of the promise he’d made the night he introduced me to His World. His very real world. To him it was never a game at all. Suddenly, a lump fills my throat and tears are again streaming down my face. I fall to my knees for a second time in less than an hour, this time clutching his hand, pulling it to my lips. I kiss his fingers over and over again, sobbing, blubbering apologies, smearing tears and snot and spit over his knuckles until I can barely breathe.
Kneeling beside me, he pulls me into his arms. “God, I’ve missed you, Cassiopeia.”