Let me start by saying that the information on this page is based on my experiences and by no means a complete list of all the ways the dynamics I am about to cover can be expressed. This information is intended only as a starting point of discovery or affirmation.
Tackling Confusion and Predjudice
In the realm of ABDL and DDLG there is a lot of confusion and prejudice still linked to the lifestyle choices of those who partake in the subcultures of BDSM known as ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl). Even among longtime kinksters there are misconceptions and misunderstanding… for vanilla outsiders, the confusion can lead to hate and disgust. Making it hard for people who long to live the lifestyle to be themselves or even ask the questions that would help them figure out who they are and what they want in a relationship.
Not Necessarily BDSM but Can Be
Although DDLG can be a subset of the BDSM community, just as pet play or pony play, the greater difference is that littles and Daddies/Mommies are not pretending, or role-playing, but rather sharing an aspect of their personality. In the BDSM community age or role play for a single scene isn’t terribly unusual, but this type of scening is not DDLG because DDLG is not age play. For an adult who is little, little is their identity. It’s a mix of feelings and emotions, it’s a way of interacting with the world from their most innocent inner being. Elements of BDSM, including bondage, shibari, spanking, flogging, caning for enjoyment not punishment may or may not be present. Every DDLG relationship is different.
What is a Daddy/Mommy Dom?
Daddy/Mommy Dom/mes are a lot alike typical dominants in a BDSM relationship. They take charge of their little as a Master would their submissive; they enjoy being in control of the scene, however like for littles, the Daddies/Mommies aren’t roleplaying either. Being a caregiver/nurturer/mentor is an integral part of their personality.
The greatest difference between Daddy Doms and a Dominant seems to be their approaches, caregiver vs controller… both have rules they expect to be obeyed. But like their approach the rules have different purposes. A Daddy’s rules will reflect his and his littles goals for the little’s personal growth, may address an abusive or fatherless past, and may address a little’s worst personal habits. In many cases the little’s in their care have fallen onto one or more self-harm paths, including but not limited to cutting, eating disorders, addiction.
A Daddy/Mommy Dom/me protects first and foremost
A Daddy’s rules will reflect his and his littles goals for the little’s personal growth, may address an abusive or fatherless past, and may address a little’s worst personal habits. In many cases the little in their care may have fallen onto one or more self-harm paths, including but not limited to cutting, eating disorders, addiction.
Full time attention Giver
Not to be made light of…all spectrums of DDLG littles require much more attention, caring, nurturing, hand-holding them through life and confidence building on a daily basis than a typical relationship.
If you don’t have time or have very little time for a non-lifestyle committed relationship do not entertain the idea of taking on a little.
Daddy Dom vs Dom..Mommy Domme vs Domme
A lot like typical dominants in a BDSM relationship. They take charge of their little as a Master would their submissive; they enjoy being in control of the scene, however like littles, the Daddies/Mommies aren’t role-playing either. Being a caregiver/nurturer/mentor/protector/disciplinarian is an integral part of their personality.
- What’s the difference between a Daddy/Mommy Dom and a Master/Mistress?
The greatest difference between Daddy Doms and a Dominant seems to be their approaches: Nurturing caregiver/mentor vs controller. Both Daddy Doms and traditional dominants have rules they expect to be obeyed.
- Like BDSM, it is always a good practice to have a limit checklist and safe words in place.
- Provide Mental/Physical/Spiritual support
- Provide care for
- Play partner, all types of play from online gaming, board games, playground time, hiking, rock climbing…any enjoyable activity that allows the little and Daddy/Mommy to bond and strengthen their roles.
- Sexual Partner – A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship is generally also a sexual relationship, unless it is specified in the limits list that the relationship is a no-sexual one.
- Enforce agreed upon rules of behavior and guidelines to provide structure to their littles day.
- Provide multiple check-ins to inquire about day an provide task accountability whether phone calls, video chats, texts, etc.
- A Daddy/Mommy Dom will typically base their care around what a little needs. For example a little with self-harm history or present issues will visually check skin for self-inflicted wounds or prepare, provide rules around meals going so far as to monitor calorie intake and be on the lookout for sudden weight gains or losses. An exercise program, chore list, or outline academic expectations/workplace goals. Provide emotional/physical support/follow-up around scheduled doctor or therapist appointments.
- A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship may be part of a greater polyamorous relationship where the little may be a little/sub/pet for one r more other family members.
What is a Caregiver?
Typically provides guidelines, rules, structure, mentoring, discipline as agreed upon much like a Daddy/Mommy Dom would; however a CGL is a non-sexual relationship.
See article Babies, Littles, Middles, Brats to see what each regression is like.