Why Someone Embraces the DDLG Lifestyle

For many Littles age regression is a coping mechanism, a way to deal with a too stressful job or overly demanding boss. A way to step away from the chaos of being an adult for awhile, providing a safe haven for their mind to recharge and regroup.

A pacifier may help a little break many types of bad habits, replacing nail biting, chewing on their hair, smoking, or using chewing gum or candies… it may also be the answer to nighttime teeth grinding, though for sleep a dental guard is a better option.

For an overly anxious or empathic little, replacing the nightly news with cartoons, Disney, Pixar, or Anime, maybe the perfect solution to unwinding without increasing their worries.

Online or offline game play, like World of Warcraft, Diablo, Minecraft, Age of Empires, or Call of Duty can play a huge role when life seems to be moving too fast or to keep an overactive mind from obsessing over what might happen.

A large stuffie can serve as a warm body substitute at naptime, or nighttime, if the little is in a LDR or if the caregiver travels a lot. A purse-size stuffie can serve to provide the little that has to travel a little extra security on flights or as a focus to escape a panic attack.

Advice to Daddy/Mommy Dom/me For the Little who sometimes struggles with regression:

  • Stay in Daddy Dom mode for them and hold space for them to join you there by using playful nicknames or using ‘little one’, ‘baby girl/boy’…
  • Take time for play and general silliness
  • Play games, do puzzles, or color with them
  • Even a nature hike can be a Daddy/Mommy Dom/me little activity… enjoy nature through the joyous, rose-colored  glasses of a little.
  • Help them dress/undress
  • Run all baths/start all showers to check the temperature. Add the bubblebath or measure the bath salts, even if you ‘let them’ or ‘help them’ pour it into the water. Assist them into and out of the tub/shower, reminding them to be careful so they don’t slip. Watch them bathe, or help them wash. Washing their hair and rinsing it is a n especially rewarding practice for both.
  • Brush and Style their hair into ponytails, braids, etc…
  • Help them at mealtime by cutting up their food and/or feeding them bites. In a restaurant, offer bites from your plate to be less conspicuous. Also in a restaurant, order for them, if possible from the child’s menu
  • Offer to hold their hand when crossing the street
  • Always open the car door and insist on helping them get into the car, buckle their seat-belt and close the door.
  • When getting out of the car, remind them to wait on you for your help because they are too little to get out of the car by themselves. Walk around the vehicle, maintaining eye contact through the windows, open the door, unlatch their belt, offer a hand to assist them from the vehicle and close/lock the door then hold their hand until they are safely on the sidewalk or across the street etc.
  • Remember that crowded stores can turn grocery or clothing shopping into a nightmare for a little prone to anxiety. Hold hands and use reassurances, like ‘You are safe with me’, ‘I’m so proud of you for being so brave’, ‘Only a little while longer, we’re almost done,’ can make all the difference. If a shopping trip has to be cut short, don’t make a big deal about it, your little one is stressed enough.

Mommy and Daddy Doms

Let me start by saying that the information on this page is based on my experiences and by no means a complete list of all the ways the dynamics I am about to cover can be expressed. This information is intended only as a starting point of discovery or affirmation.

  • Tackling Confusion and Predjudice

In the realm of ABDL and DDLG there is a lot of confusion and prejudice still linked to the lifestyle choices of those who partake in the subcultures of BDSM known as ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl). Even among longtime kinksters there are misconceptions and misunderstanding… for vanilla outsiders, the confusion can lead to hate and disgust. Making it hard for people who long to live the lifestyle to be themselves or even ask the questions that would help them figure out who they are and what they want in a relationship.

Not Necessarily BDSM but Can Be

Although DDLG can be a subset of the BDSM community, just as pet play or pony play, the greater difference is that littles and Daddies/Mommies are not pretending, or role-playing, but rather sharing an aspect of their personality. In the BDSM community age or role play for a single scene isn’t terribly unusual, but this type of scening is not DDLG because DDLG is not age play. For an adult who is little, little is their identity.  It’s a mix of feelings and emotions, it’s a way of interacting with the world from their most innocent  inner being. Elements of BDSM, including bondage, shibari, spanking, flogging, caning for enjoyment not punishment may or may not be present. Every DDLG relationship is different.

  • What is a Daddy/Mommy Dom?

Daddy/Mommy Dom/mes are a lot alike typical dominants in a BDSM relationship. They take charge  of their little as a Master would their submissive; they enjoy being in control of the scene, however like for littles, the Daddies/Mommies aren’t roleplaying either. Being a caregiver/nurturer/mentor is an integral part of their personality.

The greatest difference between Daddy Doms and a Dominant seems to be their approaches, caregiver vs controller… both have rules they expect to be obeyed. But like their approach the rules have different purposes. A Daddy’s rules will reflect his and his littles goals for the little’s personal growth, may address an abusive or fatherless past, and may address a little’s worst personal habits. In many cases the little’s in their care have fallen onto one or more self-harm paths, including but not limited to cutting, eating disorders, addiction.

A Daddy/Mommy Dom/me protects first and foremost

  • Rule Maker/Task-master

A Daddy’s rules will reflect his and his littles goals for the little’s personal growth, may address an abusive or fatherless past, and may address a little’s worst personal habits. In many cases the little in their care may have fallen onto one or more self-harm paths, including but not limited to cutting, eating disorders, addiction.

  • Full time attention Giver

Not to be made light of…all spectrums of DDLG littles require much more attention, caring, nurturing, hand-holding them through life and confidence building on a daily basis than a typical relationship.

If you don’t have time or have very little time for a non-lifestyle committed relationship do not entertain the idea of taking on a little.

Daddy Dom vs Dom..Mommy Domme vs Domme

A lot like typical dominants in a BDSM relationship. They take charge  of their little as a Master would their submissive; they enjoy being in control of the scene, however like littles, the  Daddies/Mommies aren’t role-playing either. Being a caregiver/nurturer/mentor/protector/disciplinarian is an integral part of their personality.

  • What’s the difference between a Daddy/Mommy Dom and a Master/Mistress?

The greatest difference between Daddy Doms and a Dominant seems to be their approaches: Nurturing caregiver/mentor vs controller. Both Daddy Doms and traditional dominants have rules they expect to be obeyed.

  • Like BDSM, it is always a good practice to have a limit checklist and safe words in place.
  • Provide Mental/Physical/Spiritual support
  • Protect
  • Provide care for
  • Play partner, all types of play from online gaming, board games, playground time, hiking, rock climbing…any enjoyable activity that allows the little and Daddy/Mommy to bond and strengthen their roles.
  • Sexual Partner –  A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship is generally also a sexual relationship, unless it is specified in the limits list that the relationship is a no-sexual one.
  • Enforce agreed upon rules of behavior and guidelines to provide structure to their littles day.
  • Provide multiple check-ins to inquire about day an provide task accountability whether phone calls, video chats, texts, etc.
  • A Daddy/Mommy Dom will typically base their care around what a little needs. For example a little with self-harm history or present issues will visually check skin for self-inflicted wounds or prepare, provide rules around meals going so far as to monitor calorie intake and be on the lookout for sudden weight gains or losses. An exercise program, chore list,  or outline academic expectations/workplace goals. Provide emotional/physical support/follow-up around scheduled doctor or therapist appointments.
  • A Daddy/Mommy Dom and little relationship may be part of a greater polyamorous relationship where the little may be a little/sub/pet for one r more other family members.

 

  • What is a Caregiver?

Typically provides guidelines, rules, structure, mentoring, discipline as agreed upon much like a Daddy/Mommy Dom would; however a CGL is a non-sexual relationship.

Unabashed Self-Promotion: I love writing DDLG inspired stories. Find them on Amazon.com
and coming summer 2018
A LITTLE TEMPTATION
Plus…
more DDLG Stories are coming when I introduce Josie in A LITTLE RAGE ISSUE
so be sure to find me…
A Little Rage Issue
Little Bedtime Story – Josie
at Facebook

Littles Group (pm Roxy Harte for invite to this secret group)

at MeWe

Teaser Tuesday! Surprise!! SACRED SECRETS is COMING!

Sacred secrets, Chronicles of Surrender Book One
#Tuesday Teaser

My original series THE CHRONICLES OF SURRENDER have been out of publication for a few years now. This week’s re-release is book one: SACRED SECRETS…The book that started it all for me. . . . is now available again in ebook and print

It has been revised and expanded.

Here is a little snippet…

I’m the last slave to be auctioned and the excitement level has reached a chaotic frenzy. I catch myself chewing my bottom lip and force myself to stop. In a self-conscious effort, I rub my tongue over my top teeth, hoping to erase the clinging tracks of red. I rub my lips together furiously to redistribute the remaining color.

Doug turns me to face him.

For a second, I think perhaps he will kiss me as all the previous owners have done with their slaves. I brace for it, hoping he isn’t a slobberer, but then I blink, not believing he just ripped the front of my sheer black dress.

What the hell?

He pulls the ruined fabric completely off me and tosses it aside. Wide-eyed, I’m both shocked and horrified. Granted, it was barely more than lingerie, but it was something!

I’m naked!

Panicked, I can’t move. We didn’t practice this. We didn’t even discuss it! Is he trying to make sure the welts are seen? I can’t believe he isn’t giving up on this. I feel every eye on my bare skin and I want to die. Too late, I realize it is my face, my reaction larger than life on the screen. The heat of the blush begins at my closed-toe stilettos and travels upward until even my cheeks are flaming.

Strangely, my dark, sheer, lace-topped thigh highs make me feel even nuder, not less. For the most part, the crowd has been relatively well behaved throughout the auction. Now they are wild. I’m suddenly very aware of the wire mesh, floor-to-ceiling security fence separating the stage from the crowd. Several people try to climb the fence during the frenzied moment. Security swarms.

“Walk the stage, bitch, or do I drag you?” Doug’s spit sprays over my face with his shout. He jerks hard on the leash. Leather bites my neck.

The noise from the crowd is deafening.

Red-hot drama. This is what they came for.

Garrett Lawrence steps forward and forces the leash from Doug’s hand. For a moment, Doug struggles to hang on, but is quickly overwhelmed by Security and removed from the stage. I watch his struggle as he is led out of the building through a side fire exit. Thankfully, Garrett Lawrence returns to center stage, leaving me—at least momentarily—alone in the shadows to get my shit together.

Fighting tears, it registers— I feel abandoned. No one is more surprised than I—loner girl, avoid relationships at all cost girl. Until now, I was unaware Doug was my security blanket. Now I’m alone and naked—talk about adrenaline rush.

Looking outward, Garrett Lawrence gestures a command for silence and the crowd goes still, doing for him what the paid muscle couldn’t achieve with brawn. Everyone obeys the Master on the stage and I’m as spellbound as the rest.

He turns and his gaze falls on me; my breath catches. I lower my face, not daring to look up, not even chancing a breath as I feel his assessment. There is a long moment where all I can do is tremble.

The announcer calls out, “Seventy-three!”

end excerpt

Join my FB reader’s group Roxy Harte’s Readers for access to contests, excerpts, ARC ops, and discounted Release day pricing: https://www.facebook.com/groups/477588249387420/

Join my MeWe Free Reads group to promote all authors and celebrate readers: https://mewe.com/group/5b1d56548c90140eca858e7b

Mark as To Read/Reading on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41559418-sacred-secrets

 

Van Zant Siblings World

When I started to write the Van Zant Series, I thought each sibling might have a story to tell, and it would be neat and tidy and—then I met the big family, which can only be described as dysfunctional, gregarious, and insanely loyal. I discovered the eleven siblings are disastrously beautiful down to the bottom of their damaged souls, their stories dangerous and messy.

The series, once only a single title for Brian years ago, Survival Instinct, now continues with the introduction of Alexandra in  Surviving the Big Mistake …

and continuing in Consequences of the Big Mistake, Learning from the Big Mistakes, Shibari Presence, Healing From the Big Mistakes, and Revelations of the Big Mistakes.

Jessica is introduced in Learning from the BIG Mistakes because the sisters, Alexandra and Jessica, may be separated by six years in age but are connected by a love and loyalty to each other that is boundless. There is nothing one would not do for the other, because they are more aware and understanding of their siblings’ pain than their own.

Jessica’s own story is told in two parts: Learning to Breathe and Learning to Breathe Again; Jessica and Alexandra’s storylines converge in Shibari Presence.

Two siblings, Julian and Liam, star in a breakout series that explores age play, the DDLG and BDSM lifestyles, and spanking: A Little Bedtime Series. Currently told in three books known as Koko’s Book One, Two, Three—A Little Indulgence, A Little in Danger, and A Little Kinky Adventure—will extend to a fourth book soon. On the Van Zant World timeline, A Little in Danger and Revelations of the Big Mistakes coincide.

I can’t wait to introduce even more siblings, so I hope you love reading about this family as much as I’ve enjoyed sharing their story. So drop me a line at roxyharte@gmail.com or visit my blog at www.roxyharte.blogspot.com to leave me feedback. I love hearing from my readers.

 

Van Zant Sibling Alexandra Book 2 Now Available

Alexandra Van Zant Book 2 is now available.
#NewRelease #KU #KickAssHeroine #SecondChanceLove

A dangerous foe, multiple super-sexy temptations, and a president with an agenda are a few of the consequences caused by the big mistake.

A madman planning an Extinction Event wants geneticist, Alexandra Van Zant, to help him usher in a new era in earth’s history, where humans are the endangered species. And he will kill every single person she cares about to gain her cooperation. With the body count climbing, Alexandra’s betrothed Patrick “Gabe” Gowan asks his Irish pub’s co-owners to be her bodyguards, only slightly awkward since the four’s sex tape is still trending on social media. Faced with three hot men guarding her body day and night, this sexual novice is completely unaware two are skilled dominants hoping to tame her, and one is a submissive hoping she can learn to dominate him.

How long does Gabe really think he can keep her in the dark, when his two best mates are intent on bringing all his kinky secrets out into the light of day? When Alexandra is attacked with a biological toxin and believes she’s dying. The decisions she makes during that ninety minutes will change the game for everyone.

BUY LINK AMAZON

Meet Brian Van Zant

When I started writing for the publisher Loose-Id in 2009, it was in response to an call out: Basically gay men in any setting, action/adventure, danger 40K words or less…

Survival Instinct, 2010

I was ready for something new. My Chronicles of Surrender were doing well, I was getting lots of fan mail, but I wanted to hit the big time, or something close…

I sent out more manuscripts to Harlequin than anyone should have to send and I always got very nice “We pass at this time, but please submit again” letters…
Then I went to a Writer’s Convention and one of the editors who had rejected my work had open calls to Talk To An Editor and Pitch your book! I was memorable apparently, because this very nice woman explained that my novels were a little to daring, a little too risque, and maybe “tone them down a bit… and for the love of all things holy stop writing in First Person, Present tense.”

So, I dusted off my favorite Harlequin submission, “Just Tobias” changed the female heroine to male, addressed all the gender issues inherent to that decision, rewrote it as third person past tense and rewrote every sex scene to gay sex… trust me, my melancholy is making it seem so much easier than it was…

2016 review, by Delta, The Romance Review

SURVIVAL INSTINCT was born.. .
Just Tobias became Just Brian… don’t worry, Tobias Red Hawk, Native American medicine-man-in-training, paramedic, and park ranger is still my lead alpha. The original female lead “Tobias” became my male lead “Just Brian”… as in Dr. Brian Van Zant, archeologist and Cincinnati Natural History Museum curator, and recently widowed…

A few years later, I pitched a series to my Loose-Id editor to create the Van Zant Siblings series and rough drafted three siblings (Alexandra, Jessica, and Jake) with sample chapters.
They loved the idea and the diversity of the characters and stories I had planned. Survival Instinct then became the first story in the series Van Zant Siblings.  The reviewers who read it loved Brian and Hawk’s love story. The Review by Delta at The Romance Reviews .

Now, here I am, dusting Survival Instincts off, updating, expanding by 30% with hotter and sexier scenes…

2018 Van Zant Siblings – Brian Bk 1

Meet Brian:
After discovering his husband was sleeping with his twin brother, museum curator Brian Van Zant’s faced with another shocking loss. Both men are killed in a car accident, leaving him no answers, no closure. No chance to say, “I hate you,” or “I love you,” and not sure which he’d have said if given the chance. Now, months later, Brian still hasn’t put his life back together. Without a plan or a destination, only knowing he can’t face his lonely present until he frees himself from the past and starts over somewhere else, he runs away.

Meet Hawk:
Tobias Red Hawk is a Park Ranger in Montana, where being out of the closet still seems like a dream. After saving the life of blatantly gay and thoroughly attractive Brian, he begins to question his conviction of staying secretly gay. But before he can face his own identity crisis, there is a mystery to be solved at the top of the Bitterroot mountain range and the answers may lie in the myths of his childhood.

When Hawk’s past returns to kill him, both men discover there’s nothing like facing death up close to make a man find his Survival Instinct.

Now, Fast forward… 2018 has become the year The Bottom Fell Out of the small publisher market. Loose-Id announced their closing… becoming the 3rd publisher to close on me in a year … and leaving me with a backlist of 33 books to find publishers for, but I decided no can do and jumped into self-publishing with both feet.

This year is dedicated to my back list and getting all of my novels back on line, including the Chronicles of Surrender, which readers have been clamoring for!